Tips: To be patient with temper husband

Tips: To be patient with temper husband

The goal of marriage is to get together as lively till dead with our spouse. However, not all couples can achieve this goal. Sometimes misunderstandings occur between a husband and wife during their married life. "While they are bitten tongue, much less married" it is happens in reality of married life.

In this household fights, often the wife who became a magnet for the hot-tempered husband. Sometimes husbands abusing wives do not match the errors committed, moreover unintentional. For the wife to be patient until  temper   husband  was  back to normal and usually he would regret the harsh action against his wife.

For the wife to be patient in facing such a situation. There are several factors that can help a servant to carry out the patience of the second type ( patient when hurt by others,). Among them are the following: 

                                                                                                            

First , We should acknowledge that Allah ta'ala is Substance slave who created the works, whether it's a movement, silent and intent. So everything that God wills to happen, will happen. And everything that God wills not to happen, it would not have happened. Thus, none of the objects despite weighing small ant (small ants,) which move in nature but with the permission and will of God. So therefore, I am the ' tools '. Look at the substance that makes the husband  unjust to you, and do you see his actions against you. (When you do that), then you will be free from all sorrow and anxiety.

Second , a person must acknowledge the sins which he has committed and acknowledged that when God made ​​the husband  wronged (himself), then it's all because of sins that she had committed  before this as the word of Allah Ta'ala ,

And whatever of misfortune mind the things your hands have earned, and forgives many

"And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your own hands, and God forgive most (of your sins)." (QS. Ash-Shura: 30).

When a slave recognizes that the calamities that befall him due to sins of the past, then he would be busy for repentance and seeking forgiveness from God for their sins revealed that the cause of the disaster. He was busy doing that and do not concern themselves criticize and make fun of those who have ill-treat him.

(Therefore), when you see a man who insults that have hurt him and it does not re correct themselves by injuring himself and pray to God, let it be known (in this situation) is a natural calamity that he is a real disaster. (Contrast) when he repent, pray and say, "disaster is because my sins that he did before." Then (in such cases, the victims felt) it turns into pleasure and self-realization.

Ali bin Abi Talib radliallahu 'anhu once said a bea utiful sentence,

"One should expect only a servant to his Lord and let him be afraid of the consequences that will be received from the sins which he has committed ." [1]

And there is an expression that is narrated from Ali ibn Abi Talib and otherwise, he said,

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"Disaster down because of sin and repentance, elected by reason."

Thirdly , a wife should know the reward provided by Allah Ta'ala for those who forgive and be patient (against husband's hurt). This is stated in his word,

"The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof, but whoever forgives and amends, his reward is due (liabilities) Allah. Surely He does not love the unjust. " (QS. Ash-Shura: 40).

In terms of the discharge of the return, people were divided into three groups, namely [1] the wrongdoers as retaliation transgressors, [2] the moderate who only respond according to their rights and [3] of the righteous (good) because forgive those who oppress and thus leaving his right to reply. Allah ta'ala says in the third paragraph above, the first part of their moderate, the second part is for those who do good and the end is for those who have wronged in retaliation (transgressors).

(Will he also) know the angels calling on the Day of Judgment will say,

"Look! Let stand those who received the reply that must be fulfilled by God! " [2]

(When a call echoed), no one is standing, but they are (as in the world, including class) (always) be forgiving and patient (against interference of others to himself).

When this is coupled with the knowledge that the reward will be lost if his demands and revenge, it would be easier for the wife to be patient and forgive.

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Fourth , let his wife know that when she forgive and do good, then it will lead her safe from (the malice and hatred to her husband) and her heart will be free from the desire for revenge and evil (the husband who did his wrong). (So) he obtained a pleasure to forgive that it will add to the delights and benefits multiplied, it felt good benefits now or hereafter later,

The benefits above are certainly not comparable to the "enjoyment and benefits" he felt when retaliate. By doing (with deeds above), he (can) is included in the word of Allah Ta'ala ,

And Allah loves the doers of good

"Allah loves those who do good." (QS. Ali Imran: 134).

(By implementing the above acts), he became personally loved by God. They experienced a situation like the theft of the dinar, but instead he received compensation of tens of thousands of dinars . (Thus), he will feel very happy for the grace of God given to him more than the joy that was felt.

Fifth , she should know that a revenge purely for the sake of their own, then it will only bequeath shame in him. When he forgives, He would give glory to him . This priority has been preached by the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam in his saying,

"Glory be added by God to be forgiving a servant ." [3]

(Based on the above Hadith) obtained glory of forgiveness (of course) is preferable and more beneficial to him than the glory that is obtained from the action revenge. Merits obtained from revenge is merely the outward glory, but pass on the inner humiliation. (As for) forgiveness (sometimes) an inner humiliation, but inherit glory and unseen.

Sixth , -and this is one of the factors most beneficial -, that she should know that any replies that according to the deeds done. (She should be aware) that she is a sinner who do wrong again. Neither should she know that everyone who forgive human error again her, then God will forgive her sins. And those who ask forgiveness every man who wronged her, then God will forgive her. When she learned of forgiveness and good deeds done to various parties who oppress the cause that will bring rewards for her, then surely (she will easily) forgive and do good in order (atone) for her sins. This benefit is certainly very inadequate a reasonable person (so as not to wreak revenge).

Seventh , she should know that when she was occupied with the revenge, then the time will be wasted and will split her heart (not to concentrate on other matters). Various benefits will only escape from her grasp. And the likelihood that this is more dangerous than the disaster caused by the various parties to her. When she forgive them, the heart and the body will feel "fresh" to achieve the various benefits that are certainly more important to her than just taking care of matters revenge.

Eighth , the real revenge is doing is a form of self-defense which is based on the desire lasciviousness.

The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam never retaliate based on personal preference, but he hurt including actions hurt Allah ta'ala and hurt him among the things in it, the provision of compensation.

His soul is the soul of the noblest, purest and best. The soul of the most remote of various moral disgrace and most deserving of the noble character. Nevertheless, he never retaliated based on personal desires (his soul) (the husband who was hurt).

So how can anyone of us taking vengeance and defense for themselves, even though he knows his own life situation as well as vices and disgrace contained therein? In fact, a wise course (realize that) soul is not inappropriate to take revenge (because its a disgrace and infamy) and (he also knows that his soul) does not have significant levels of position therefore deserves to be defended.

Ninth , when his wife abused by her husband for the acts that he assign to God (worship-pent), or he is made ​​to suffer for doing obedience ordered or as he left the disobedience of the forbidden, then (in that situation), he must be patient and can not do retaliation. This is because they have been hurt (when doing obedience) in the cause of Allah, so Allah reward dependents.

So therefore, when the mujahideen who fought in God's cause loss of life and property, they do not get compensation because Allah has bought their lives and property.

Thus, damages to be borne of God, not in the hands of the creature. Whoever is demanding compensation to the creature (who was hurt), but he no longer obtain redress from God. Indeed, a loss (because of being hurt) when worship in the way of Allah, then Allah shall provide instead.

When he was hurt as a result of the disaster that happened to him, then he should concern himself with self-deprecating. As such, he is preoccupied (to improve themselves and better than) he denounced the husband who had hurt him.

When he was hurt because the property, then he should try to soothe his soul, because a property without the patience is a thing more bitter than patience itself.

Any person who is not able to withstand the heat during the day, the rain and snow as well as travel and interference resistance raiders, then of course he does not have to trade.

The reality known by human beings, that everyone who is honest (and hard) to find something, then he will be rewarded patience in looking for something that goes beyond honesty (and seriousness) has.

Tenth , he should know the togetherness, the love of Allah and His pleasure to himself when he's patient. When God membersamai person, then all forms of harassment and danger-which none of whom were able menolaknya- will be pushed away from him. Allah ta'ala says,

And Allah loves the steadfast

"Allah loves those who are patient." (QS. Ali 'Imran: 146).

Eleventh , he should know that patience is part of faith. Therefore, should he not replace it with a faith of some revenge. When he was patient, then he has to preserve the faith of disgrace (lack of). And Allah will defend those who believe.

Twelfth , he should know that the patience that he carried a punishment and repression against their own desires. Then when lust unbeatable, certainly not capable of enslaving passions and captured him, and plunged himself into ruin.

When he bent down and listen to the desires and defeated by him, the passions will always accompany him to destroy him unless he desires the mercy of his Lord.

Patience contain restraints on the whims of these demons (infiltrate inside). So therefore, (when patience runs), then the government will win the hearts and the army will be strong and strengthened so that all enemies will be expelled.

Thirteenth , let him know that when he is patient, then surely Allah for a guardian. So God is the helper of every person to be patient and surrender any person who ill-treat him to God.

Those who defend their own desires (to retaliate), He will give himself to his own lust, so she became his assistant.

If so, what will be the situation of a man who helped Allah, is the best helper with helped by an assistant who desires the most vulnerable?

Fourteenth , patience will be conducted by a cessation of violence and expressed regret at the enemy and will lead to censure those who oppress mankind. Thus, after hurting himself, the wrongdoers will be back in a state of embarrassment to those who have victims. Similarly, he will regret his actions, even though the wrongdoers will be turned into a close friend of the oppressed. This is the meaning of the word of Allah Ta'ala ,

in Repel evil is better if the enmity between you and him like a guardian intimate (34) and meted out only those who are patient and meted out only with great luck (35)

"Repel (evil) with what is better, then suddenly people between you and him is enmity seems to have become a very loyal friend. The properties are either not granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except those who have a huge advantage. " (QS. Fushshilaat: 34-35).

Fifteenth , sometimes revenge even be a reason that would add crimes of the enemy against him. It also would strengthen impulse desires and busy mind to think of the various forms of retaliation which will be launched as this often happens.

When her patience and forgive those who ill-treat him, then he will be protected from various forms of ugliness above. One who understands, certainly would not have chosen a more dangerous thing.

How many of revenge which raises a variety of evils that are difficult to be blocked by the culprit. And how many souls, wealth and glory to those who have been wronged diselamatkn when the path of forgiveness.

Sixteenth , indeed a familiar revenge must be patient and not to lapse into tyranny. Because desires will not be able to take vengeance and justice, both in terms of knowledge (that lust does not have parameters that must be demonstrated to him that revenge was doing was in accordance with the injustice that happened to him.) And requirements (ie in terms of in terms of the will, desires of vengeance is more, in most cases).

Sometimes the desires are not able to limit itself in revenge according to the levels permitted, as anger (as revenge) will walk with its owner to the extent that can not be determined (aggressors). Thus, re-position itself as a party of the oppressed, who are waiting for help, and the glory, it turned into the tyrant, who will receive the devastation and torment.

Seventeenth , injustice suffered will be a variety of reasons that will eliminate sin or raised in rank. Therefore, when he was revenge and not patient, then this scourge will not eliminate sin and tidakpula raised in rank.

Eighteenth , patience and forgiveness does a strong team that will help him in the face of the enemy.

Surely everyone is patient and forgiving those who have ill-treat him, then his attitude will produce a disgrace to yourself and fear the enemy against himself and his men. This is because people will not remain silent against injustice that is done, even though the oppressed silence. When the oppressed revenge, the priority will be to escape from him.

Therefore, you can find some people, when he insulted or hurt others, he will demand that has acceptance as the victims. When the oppressed grant it, then he will feel relieved and felt the burden of the past will be lost.

Nineteenth , when the party wronged to forgive the enemy, then the heart of the enemy will realize that the position of the oppressed are in it and he has reaped the benefits of injustice that has been done. Thus, the enemy will always perceive that his own position was under the position that has victims. And of course this is a priority, and the glory of forgiveness.

Twentieth , when a pardon, then this is a good attitude that will produce a wide range of other advantages, so the benefits will continue to grow.

Indeed, the reward of every good deed is continuity goodness (goodness that continues), as a reward for every evil is continuity cons (cons continuing). And sometimes this is the cause of security and lasting success. When her revenge, all it will only escape from it.

Praise be to God that His grace is righteous [4]

Source:

Translated from the minutes of Ahmad bin Abdul Halim Al Haroni Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy on him-

Translators: Muhammad Nur Ichwan Muslim