LOVE TO PARADISE Chapter 1

Chapter 1

UN PREDICTED FUTURE HAPPINIES

All men want a perfect life. But all men have to know, in this world nothing is perfect except in heaven. Among the many things that want to be perfect, there is one that all human endeavor, for close to perfect, which is love.

That's where myself and wife story begins. At a time when everything seems to be almost perfect, that is when the Lord Allah brings His test. Tests were at first made me think, where's my fault? What is my sin that I do this?

But in the end I got it, God tests His fall was to make love to my wife, close to perfect. Perfect love that does not place conditions. Love does not have to be pretty, do not have a voice sweet, smiling graciously need not, and should not hug me too, I will still respond with love.

This is how my story begins.

On August 21, 1980, I heard those words and forceful this with gratitude and joy.

"Valid!"

"Valid!"

Thank God, finally I became a husband to a most beautiful woman in my eyes. Women who have been stealing my hearts for so long, and on that day, legally she is my wife. Life was held at the beginning of sweets and happy.

" Bang,  I love you " the expression of my wife on the first night.

"Who does not love."

"Yes, Darling?"

"I swear, Darling."

We both smiled happily. And for almost 20 years God lent my wife and I, who named sweet things. We live together undergo the '80s and' 90s with the ups and downs. We are fed by God, beginning on 1 September appointed as an Administrative Officer’s,   with a little treasure that we collect, and then the sustenance bestowed by Allah with invaluable - children. Children are a testament to our love and bonding. So much so that we had to raise both hands to count the number, and that is seven. Four sons and three daughters. Our family life, thank God blessed with happiness and joy as it is.

Until the date of March 2, 2001, my wife had to be hospitalized for neurosurgery. Something I did not expect. Something I did not know, and never even know it exists because of her illness since we consolidated she never ill, except occasional colds. The most frequent abdominal pain in front stomach boom due to contains children almost once a year at first and in the alternate three years after the third birth and so on until the seventh birth..

" Your wife Mr. Nik affected by the neurology  complication,  associated with the genetic potential out of 200 thousand to 500 thousand people who suffer from this disease.   The medical term is known as   "Artery -venous malformation" (AVM). "

At a time when the doctor told me the problem, I still do not feel anything. In case of cancer or heart disease, still I can imagine the danger, but not the disease. A mystery to me, strange diseases related to brain neurons. When she attacks the healthy human can coma immediately. Thus shown that, we as human still lack of knowledge if compare to the His mighty God Power whose manage the universe.

Then when my wife was taken to the operating room, I could only say, " Oh my Lord Allah, I just prey and seek for your help to safe my lovely wife " That expression of words that can be uttered upon  seeing my wife in a coma situation brought by a nurse to operation  theater.

When my wife had disappeared from my sight, when operating theater doors closed, my  mind recalls daydreaming about my beloved wife who was so faithful to  myself. Well proven her sincerity of love and affection for her husband and  family when I was hospitalized in 1983, due to my right knee pain.

“ My Love let me do everything, it is my responsibility to take care of your until your fully recovered later" My lovely wife told me nearly 30 years before, during that time I just discharge from hospital after  been  hospitalize about 6 months.  with a  Plaster of Paris (POP) for one year, which is proof of her love. It's all a memory that never goes out in my mind ever since 1983 before until now and forever.

And now my love loyalty to wife is tested, would God have ordained all of this as a countervailing   test our  love toward us. Allah only know the perfect answer.

I still remembered how my wife proven her   is a good and honest to husband. She   keeps her husband whole heartedly without any grumbling and groaning. She able to do everything, washing feces, urine cleaning, bathing and other sundries.  Thanks to God that gave me a mate with a woman who is honest and kind-hearted.  That evidence innocence love my wife.

" Sir " I snapped out of daydreaming, when I hear the voice of a  nurse. " Your wife is going for operation within 3 to 4 hours, sir can wait in the lobby there. When everything finished I'll call ". She said with a smile. I just looked at the nurse with empty heart.

In the waiting room sofa, my mind was still flying around daydreaming about the future of our family. The future is uncertain, whether hot or drizzle or single storm, I cannot make predictions, because there are no tools to measure as usual done for Weather Forecast through Radar system. Because it involving a soul, living or dead is He who determines the Almighty and Omnipotent. God Is The Greatest!

My wife is undergoing surgery today is not sure what will be the end, Is she be OK or the kinds of situations that are unclear, and missed. "O Allah, You may be able to save my wife keeps us together", "God willing," replied my mind alone.

While waiting for my wife out of the operation theater, my thoughts still haunt the times themselves are gripped, and how to take care of my lovingly and loyalty wife.

" Abang, your  has more than eight months recuperating at home," my wife told me one afternoon.

"When the time you can properly walk" asked my wife who was still lying in a reclining chair.

 "I do not know honey, it's up to the will of God. Abang just accept it. "

The situation was still visible in my mind, I still remember everything, how my wife facing the trials when my right knee seriously hurt in the 80s before. She remained loyal despite myself already categorized as a disabled husband. Where it does not, right foot only be move about 25%, resulting of the pain, I having to walk like a person wearing a prosthetic leg. From this time I began to see myself as a disabled person, when  performing Solat ( prayer) while sitting between two prostrations and ‘tahayyat’  beginning and end, my  right leg had to be brought straight in front, that again the normal way. 

"Unfortunately  I can accept as they are, That the destiny gifted by Lord Allah.” I told to my wife one afternoon after being discharged from the hospital some time ago.

"Unfortunately you  not regret marrying me " I  used to say to my wife after my right knee pain does not heal completely, my right leg was not function normally, have a disability.

"What was sorry, because during the first married Abang  was handsome, as  Ametha Baachan  a Hindi movie star,  hee..he ,,,,," jokes my wife,

"Well, really that" I question back to ensure my wife sincerity.

"If  abang  do not believe, it's OK," wife looks a bit sad in her face.

That is an old story in early of  80s. Sweet love destined us only lasted three years, then everything magnificently.   Husband and wife very romantic.    Happy always lived with our family.

Everything has been so memorable in the history of our marriage.

That's all I can face with full conviction and persevere because God had destined, perhaps in retaliation for the sins of my past faulty or to test my faith and devotion to Him. Time passed quickly, and I had to accept the fact that my wright  leg pain as a destiny that God has given  to me and my family. Nevertheless our loyalty and happiness intact as before.

Now I still love to my wife in God's test. What is happening now as a test of our love and loyalty. Is it really true faithful as we talked during the first time  my wife and I met before. Is able to withstand the pain wife might be paralyzed and unable to speak after this operation.

” Your wife may be paralyzed one side of the body. She also may be cannot talk due to shortening of her tongue” 

Neuron Surgeon told me when he try to explained to me before I was asked to sing the acceptance latter for operation. 

I just hear the doctor words. What can be done in a panic situation, life or death which is not certain and still to find the best way to resolve. What is the most important for me is how my wife's life can be saved. May she continue to breeze the fresh air, and she still can be my partner to release stress of the day, or she can be the venue for my sons and daughters to tell their stories. Nevertheless she is the persons to make my grandchildren laughing. Only to Allah that I submit all hopes and everything. We can do nothing.

Clock in the waiting room shown 10:30 am. I still eagerly awaiting the results of my wife surgery, have not shown any further news from the theater. Wait and still waiting.

In the meantime, I still cannot accept the fact that my beloved wife  who was a top aide to me in rowing our family life,  has now taken the pleasure by the Almighty. She was in a coma, and need immediate surgery to save her life.   After the operation is not yet sure what her health situation in future. Whether recoverable or not, can continue to breathe or stopped? It is also uncertain, myself just surrender all possibilities to Allah SWT. Lord Almighty. 

I still matter, a lot of questions in my mind, Is it the way Lord Allah to wash my sins, or it is the way to compensate with my sins and wrong doing before during the younger age, or the God’s test  this  with various allegations from period to contemporary. Could this be a way to test the level of my faith and devotion. Those issues I cannot find the answer with certainty. Wallahu’alam, whatever cause just surrender to Him. Allah who are Rahman. 

The events that took place over the wife, has major teaching and awareness of myself and also to  our family members. Where there is a sudden, a healthy wife was pulled favor immediately. Continue coma in the hospital during treatment of headache pain which I consider as normal pain, the doctor said so.

" Do not worry Nik, Your wife just has a headache, She will be O.K. after the treatment given "the doctor said to me when I sent my wife to the clinic for treatment. That is our prediction when we faces with uncertainty facts that beyond our knowledge and skill.

But the fact that the future events of every man is not completely sure, we can only make predictions. That determine everything is God. Well proven again that we humans are not actually what's up, what power and strength. Everything is a gift and a loan from the Almighty Allah. Allah The Great! We are not what's up, what, everything that God has.

I still think the situation began on March 2, 2001. Upon completion of the evening prayer (solat maghrib), suddenly heard a roar voice of pain in the bed room.

"Adooooh, this head pain bang, bang please, help me, to much pain Bang, please" "Wait a minute,  when I finished my prayer, we go to the clinic” I try to calm her.

Once finished praying, Myself and son  accord my wife to the clinic.

"What wrong with you madam?" Asked the doctor who examined my wife.

"My headache very acute pain, doctor”

“ MY  Right hand and feet numbness , unable to move properly” my wife explained to doctor.

"Madam, your blood pressure is normal, possibly  migraine" Doctor try to calm down my wife.

“Insya Allah, after medication the pain should be release" " To be fast, better to get injection”. Doctor asked my wife "Ok" while nodding her head in agreement.

Doctors prescribe injection   and oral medication to heal the pain. That night my wife is under control, the pain was slightly release.

At noon the next day, "My dear, why the hand and right foot feel numbness,  and   got stronger, "the voice of my wife in the bedroom.

"Maybe effect following injection last night."

"Be patient. You  drugs already taken. Later pain disappeared slowly ". I tried to convince my wife who was still in pain on the bed.

After nearly  dusk. Suddenly I heard.

"weeak, weeak,"  vomiting sound come from  the bathroom.

I was on the mat after late evening prayer, rushed to the bathroom to see what had happen.

"Why darling” when I push the bathroom.

“Eweek, Eweeek.” My vomiting, but could not see anything come out from her mouth, only drop of saliva. Myself open tap water to clean all the residue on the floor, it fishy smelly.

"Abang,  please, please, why I am vomiting incessantly. The right leg felt like numbness. " my wife back my help, she look so weak.

I tried to help my wife, it seems quite difficult   to stand up, I am accord her to lay on bed.

"Ok, let’s we go to see the doctor," I told to my wife, she flattered on the bed.

Once again we come to the same clinic.  When it come to my wife turn. We went to treatment room, Doctor checking y wife  blood pressure and found it is normal.

“ Your blood pressure is normal” doctor told my wife.

“ better to be warded for further treatment by specialist doctor, it seem abnormal pain, may be some blood clothing” doctor explain to us.

“ Nik, your bring this latter to the specialist doctor “ doctor gave the latter to me, 

About 5 minute later, we reached at the University Hospital, at Kubang Kerian.  The distance just 3 km from our house.

"Sir, you wife is ready, everything goes well”   I heard  voice of  nurse, it’s awakened me from daydream. and found my wife lying on the bed, which was accord  by two nurses to the hospital ward. She still unconscious.

" Sir  come with us," nurse asked me. I just followed her instruction.

" She will be warded into the ICU ward for the time being. After she was recover will be transferred to a normal ward "explained nurse to me   when we walked into the ICU ward.

In the ICU, My wife was placed on a bed near a Staff nurse on duty. Maybe to facilitate supervision.

I just watched from a distance of the lobby, as in the  ICU ward family members of patients, is only allowed during visiting hours to visit patients with limited time and strict procedures. Everything for the comfort of patients and ensure patients get the best treatment. 

"Sir do not worry, we'll take care of your wife." That nurse's words to me after he saw me quite nervous and uneasy while waiting in the lobby ICU ward.

I am   cool  and patience to wait until my wife recovery  after surgery. 

The mind is still thinking about the greatness of Allah the Merciful, the Compassionate. I actually do not think that my wife was in a coma in hospital while in Kota Bharu, and according to the doctor only a matter of time to return to His creator, unfortunately my wife until now still alive and saved. She still able to breathe and recover back after undergo the brain surgery to removes the blood bleeding before.

" You do not worry, this is normal for us, every month I did over 20 surgeries," said the specialist to convince me when he asked  me to sign a consent latter for surgery.

I was overwhelmed how VVIP in Kota Bharu who came to visit my wife in hospital on the evening of March 2, 2001, had instructed the doctor to bring my wife to Ampang Specialist Hospital, Selangor.. It was all not in anticipation. Is this rule of God, everything can happen unexpectedly  by human mind. Everything  possible happening when our Lord Allah keen to do that, as  what the  religious teacher told when he gave Maghrib  lecture which  I have ever attended in the past.

"If we like helping people in trouble, later when we are in trouble , there is a way coming with the help  of Allah all the way which is out of our normal tough.  that's the advantage of those who had the generosity and love to help people. " I'm not sure if I was a man of philanthropy, the only thing I did is, if anyone ask for help, I will do my best to help as what ever effort which I could. That's it all.

Clock at the lobby hospital shows at 3.20pm.   I feel quite energized again after a bath and change clothes away in use since yesterday, more refreshing when I can sleep a while after noon prayers at the mosque hospital this afternoon.

"Mr. Please login to wards "sound is heard at the door of the ward nurse ICU.

I  rushed to the door of the ICU ward, and follow the nurse came into the ward and brought over to the bed, my  wife was bedridden and unconscious.

I noticed a woman who was still lying in bed, her head is wrapped in a thick bandage, and her fingers still clutched to her chest and heart monitoring device filled with a trip wire which monitors the heart and blood pressure, computer monitoring system showed my wife's body is normal. "Fortunately," whispered the mind..

As I stared at  my wife. suddenly.

" Abang, hungry" is heard whispers gently from the mouth of my wife who had begun to recover. 

"Alhamdulillah," Out of my  mouth of spontaneous, while my hands clutching my wife's hand. "Thank God. I love you "spontaneously out of my mouth. 

How grateful myself to Allah.  Because granted the worship. My  wife who underwent surgery were aware  and able to speak again.    The situation has reversed my conviction that were previously in a thousand questions and uncertainties because doctors predicted my wife will  unable to speak after surgery . She possible lost her memories, This incident gave a deep awareness of myself who is lack of religious knowledge.   Thus  proven  that the power of God will overhaul  everything in this world. Allah can negate all human response under the laws of a state of mind that it will happen by nature. But the knowledge of God  can super proceed    the natural sciences. An unusual nature wills happen when God desire. "Kun Fayakuun."  This is one of God Power that happen to  my wife. Subhanallah.

Events experienced faced by me that Allah had saved my wife life is another prudent the super Power OF Allah to His mankind. Thus is  we rely and trust in  Allah after making every effort within our means. God willing, there will be a solution to be determined by Him.

The conclusion of the story that I had presented here show that God determines everything to His servants. We as humans can only plan for success in the future, but God is able to change all our plans and possible results are far different from what we expect. Yet it's there his wisdom, to examine to what extent we believe and fear Allah. Every calamity that befalls us is whether his audience to seek blessings be resolved all the difficulties as quickly as possible. For those with a high level of faith and devotion will be pleased with any provision of God, because they believe in the promise of God that any hardships with patience will be replaced by joy and  excitement when the time comes. We as humans just try and pray alone. God has promised that there will be a cure for every disease, every problem there is a solution. Always put your hope to Allah. 

Now, my beloved wife had pulled a health boon, her beauty and perfection by Him. All the perfection attained so far been missing. Now she is as a person with disabilities (PWDs) have to lead a life full of challenges and tests. I as a husband must take full responsibility for taking care of sick wife  who was  paralyzed one side of arm and leg.

 One day,

When I stared to my wife diary.

"Who wrote this, beautiful"  a word come out my mouth.

"Are you kidding" while a sardonic smile of my wife.   Maybe he noticed that I was trying to take his writing with his left hand because it is not so clear.

"Good for you, if I do it with my left hand, may be worst" I tried to give confidence  to my wife in the efforts and dedication of who diligently learn to write with her left hand. Indeed, it is most dedicated that lead to write by left hand. that allow  her life to return to normal after she was paralyzed. After nearly 15 years  experiencing writing by left hand she mastered and most likely standard with hand writing of kindergarten children.

That is the beauty that God bestowed upon my wife. He remained patience and dedication in the face of disability given by God. Has now passed through the 15 years period, his daily life has been adjusted.

I also do not think that we are husband and wife can go through all of this in stride and continue to love our faithful to this day. When checked the integrity of our love in the toil and hardships of life after pain and sorrow to take care of  paralyzed wife for  15 years, my wife and I still happy and we proud of our sincerity love that is evergreen for the period of 35 years till today. Thus happen through my  adoption of  a number of things that could fostering harmony and love between husband and wife both of us. When I  do cross checked  with the theory put forward by researchers in social sciences. I  found much in common with what we practiced in the surf boat our marriage. 

When the continuity of peace and love is remembered we can expect to last for 35 years after marriage. We feel an urgent need to be disclosed to the public  as a Tips, especially for couples who are having trouble in continuing viability of their love and also the situation of households that had cracked and wait to split., I hope we've been through that experience can serve as a guide  and learn. More  than that it is again when examined issues of couples who divorce each year is increasing. Up to 2010 statistics JAKIM had more than 28,000  of divorces during the year. It represents almost 30% of all marriages in the same year. It also said that the couple were divorced it is from among them a newly marriage in the range three to six years of their marriage. Majority (80%) is made up of a marriage which has the consent of the family.

Beside that, my patient and ability to continuous take care my stroke wife for the period of 15 years, is a valuable knowledge should be share with others who are recently become a caregiver to his spouse due to stroke attack. Those people are still searching and try to find an effective method or system how to take care of stroke survivor. By reading my book possibility to get some info to deal with the stroke survivor and can be an aid to ease their burden of caring the patient.

As caregiver for the first one year is the time I learnt a lot about taking care our lover who need aide nearly 100 % of her daily living need. As the time goes on, she has regain her movement, the mental healing is more improve and she manage to talk as normal person. During this time it happen in the range of 3,4, and 5^th year, Thus the critical and hard time for to face the attitude of stroke survivor which are very sensitive, fussy, moody that made me as caregiver very stress to handle. Thus the time I am nearly give up to take care of her. During this critical situation I has to use all  my soft skill regarding, motivation, communication, interpersonal, time management and reactive thinking, Alhamdulillah with  patient I mange to resolved all the hardship and problems facing and finally with the blessing of God, I able to prolong my responsibility to take care my stroke wife with successfully gain her healing process and till now after 15 years time, she war recover back her confident, cheerful live and the  most important achievement is that she can adopted the handicap of her right arm and leg to keep on the live as normal person, thus tons of experience I learnt in the time frame of 15 years, is a valuable knowledge that need to share with publics, who are now caring their spouse as the stroke survivor. By writing my experience in this book all our  friend over the world can get the basic info as guidance to those newly get the title of a caregiver of stroke survivor.

I hope my experience which I am recoded in this book will be one of the source for those faces the same problem or those who has to take care stroke survivor. Hopefully this book can help those facing depress and stress as a care giver to try my method of healing process to recover back the stroke patient and also to manager him or herself as caregiver which may be facing stress and depress  situation .God blessing..