Always help your wife at home.

8. Always  help your wife at home.

Some of my friends asked my how I able to do the house work consistently for the period of 15 years. I gave a strait forward answer this is my responsibility as husband, I have to obey all the order been lay down by our religious Islam. One of the duty is to provide food to my wife and family. If I’m fail to do so, the painful punishment is waiting for me in hereafter. That is my commitment to the Lord Allah.

Due to this understanding and my seriously committed to obey all the law lay down by Islam. I started my first time of doing house duties, when my wife was pregnant for our first baby. She is to ‘allergy’ always vomiting and headache. So to ease house work I help her to cook and washing clothes. Unfortunately cooking is my hobby since I was teenager.

“ Bang, please cook the rice, I am headache “ my wife asked me

“ok darling, you better to take rest, take care our baby “ I response to her and rubbing her stomach slowly.

“ ooosh, to delicious , your has special talent in cooking Bang, the taste of your dishes like our mother cooking” my wife praised me after she clear all her last dishes at one night.

“ Look who is cooking, Your Master chef” I joking and smile of egoistic feeling.

From that event and on word during the pregnant period I always cook for our family. It is a routine duties for me at home starting from first child to our seven child. When it was my  routine activity at home quite long time, It become my habit and very keen to help my wife to do the home task every day. Thus is the beneficial of me when my wife attack by stroke for 15 years ago . I manage to do all the home duty without any feeling of tired  and lazy. Alhamdulillah the responsibility that I am put as priority  task of a husband. It make me pleasant and very ease for me to comply all the house job.

I am very thanks to Lord Allah who give me a patience  attitude to face all the painful and sorrow test to me and wife.

The sincerity of my acceptance to the test of Allah, able for me to stand the long sickness of my wife. Since she was paralyzed one side of the body for more than 15 years. I has the ability to take care of her, I am doing everything for her daily basic requirement such as, bathing, preparation for solat, cooking, washing, the house cleaning and so on.

Allah is Knower, He gave my partner and wife are the best, and all the disasters and the test that we have received is that of voters in the encounter by us. He drew the evidence favors the hand of his wife's body resulting in difficult to do housework, especially cooking because I certainly know how to cook since a teenager.

He will not burden the people with abilities beyond expectations. As His word of Holy Quran;

It means:  Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability; for it is (the benefit of) what it has earned and upon it (the evil of) what it has wrought; Our Lord! do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake; Our Lord! do not lay on us a burden as Thou didst lay on those before us. Our Lord do not impose upon us that which we have not strength to bear; and pardon  us and grant us protection and have mercy on us, Thou art our Patron, so help us against the unbelieving people (Al-Baqarah: 286.

 at the beginning of this verse Allah Almighty has himself clearly that:

 " Allah does not impose any soul a duty but to the extent of tis ability..’ So Allah does not burden His servants beyond the limits of his powers or abilities. Everyone is required to practice according to their ability and their strength until he will receive a reward if he will be executed or punished if they do not do.

Beginning on the date of March 2, 2001 after my wife became paralyzed, I had to do all activity of  caring my  such  wife as, feed food and drink, bathing, put on clothes,  take ablutions and  wearing  the veil during prayer five times per day.

“ Don’t you bore or tired to do all house keeping Abang” my wife asked me with drops of crystal water out of his eyes. I just say nothing, just stare to her with tears.

“ Don’t worry darling, I can do it myself, and you even know I am good on cooking !" I try to treat heart distraught wife,

“ I feel guilty because now day I cannot do all those job as before”. Wife put her feeling.

"It’s alright dear, this is all God's destiny for us," I tried to persuade my wife.

My wife just silent and she wiped the tears that rolling down  on her cheeks. In my mind stick to the situation was a part of the Lord Allah want to test myself either I able to hold the pain and sorrow as part of His testing the solidity of my faith as a Muslim. I still remember the lecture given one religious teacher that Allah will be tested a person just to erase his sin that he was attempt last time. If that was the test what we should do it to pray and bagging  from  Allah  forgiveness and put intention to stop from doing the same sins in the future. This action to be called as “taubat nasuha”

II was trying desperately to help my handicap wife due to commitment as a husband role and duties that lay by Allah. May  Allah   given a reward that provides an invaluable benefit in the hereafter. There will be a flourish of valuable reward that to be given to His humble person and able to face all the difficulty, pain and sorrow with sincerity in the heart and maintain his obedient law and order lay dawn by Allah. Thus person to be a high achievable in iman dan taqwa. Insya Allah. Thus is one of the way how I motivate myself to face the challenges imposed by Allah to me. This is the tips that I’m mange to do the role as caregiver to my stroke wife for the long period over 15 years. God Willing.

When I recall back my ability to face this challenges, when my stroke wife first time bring home to get further treatment and rehabilitation, I am very sympathy with her handicap and always pray so that she able to recover back to normal as early  as possible. But the reality of the stroke survivor its take long time for the patient to recover back and able to do by himself for his daily needs. But in reality my wife very slow healing process. Almost 2 years she need my help for everything. In the 3^rd years she was ablo to adopt the situation as handicap person. Bit by bit she manage to do herself. At first she manage to walk  in the house, she able to go to toilet by herself.

                                                                                                 

The rehabilitation process very slow and the healing from the stroke take longer time. Thus at the end of 3 year myself start feel bored with my wife attitude. She become very sensitive person, always be a  hot temper when she need something she need at very fast speed, the caregiver have to fulfill her need as soon as possible. Some time she become a moody person, just a small mistake it will be prolong and grew up to be a big problem. When the situation become peak and critical, she very fast to cry and be depressed. This habit is the totally change of her character  as compare before she been attack by stroke. This the most challenge faces by a caregiver for the stroke patient.

Some of my Friends have also   asked me how my feeling of doing  work as housewives and duties as husbands for such long time more than 5 years (at the time I served as senior manager in a private company).  I told the all the jobs I have to do as part of principle and obligation as a husband. I did all those duties to fulfill the responsibility that lay down by Allah through Islamic teach and faith. When it becomes routine and normal  because I has the following principles:

1.      Do outright as a trust established by God according to Islamic law. When done with sincerity and responsibility it will be no   fatigue and exhaustion felt in the mind. Even at the time I had reached the age of 50s. It was a pleasure arise in my heart  on the basis of such   a   test that God will  gave to me  as a certainty  to examine the extent to which faith, patience and devotion to me.

Again nothing in the teachings of Islam, if we are tested by the disaster, we can deal with the patient as the terms and subsides with God, will be rewarded to go to heaven filled with happy and pleasant for long time (with out ending) at hereafter. That is the real target of better life want to  stay peacefully in the heaven.

2.      After this realization arises, every day of my interest grew up to do house works , if house work has become routine, there is a sense of diligence, instead my commitment to do all the house works  as a mandate given by Allah to me.

3.      I also have a feeling of joy and fun when the dishes are made  ​​acclaimed "best taste" by my wife, in-laws, my mother, and our children. In fact I take care of every day life to great effect, (I try to practice all methods of management which I was learn in the University (while pursuing a Master of Science in Project Management -1991).

Helpfulness wife housework, especially cooking make it a boon for me,  may Allah have plan myself who  love to cook and finally being able to cook a variety of dishes, and God was testing myself by giving pain to my wife  after head operation to remove  blood in the brain on March 2, 2001.

All of the hands and feet to the right of the innocent wife (OKU). Since then I have taken over their homework, especially the work of cooks in the kitchen to feed our family everyday. Up to now it has become a routine assignment for the day and I am so grateful for the grace of God who gives perseverance, sincerity-suffering and to perform household chores that I took over from my wife and can be improved, has now been almost 15 years times and she recovery nearly come to 90 % normal.

The healing process of stroke recovery lead by my wife is the most important factor is the practices of patience and perseverance as a husband and take care of her daily needs with holistic treatment. The attitude of my life style whose use to help my wife doing house work when I am at home is the supporting factor that will ease the caregiver to help stoke patient.

My personal attitude very likely to help my mother to ease her home work every day is the beneficial experience to myself. It is a special talent that I gain during helping my mother such as cooking, house cleaning, washing cloth and so on. Be a most valuable talent and skill. When I am facing the critical situation after my wife been paralyzed after stroke attack and she become a disable person. I can used all the skill of cooking and house keeping to take care my sick wife and family.

I am very glad to Allah whose give me the hidayah to be a person of  multitasking capability. This due to my intention  try to learn various soft skill to improve my talent and skill. Alhamdulillah my life style with the motto of” no thing you cannot do  if you try to do
it”.

I still remember a decade ago, my younger sister praise my soft skill talent about cooking.

One day I heard her talking with her fried.

“ I am very lucky to have a single brother who are very kind and have a talent in cooking”`

“ When my parent went to Mecca for Hajj. My brother used to take care of me and my sister”

“ My brother who prepare our food everyday for more than 3 months” she told to her friend whose looking to enxaious to know more detail.

“ What I am very much appreciated is he very creative to prepared the food for us, in the morning he steam the young banana as our break fast but at the afternoon he made a special pickle from banana skin. Ooo the taste very delicious “

“ that is the most unforgettable memories in my life regarding my brother who take care of me and my sister.

"I owe it to my brother."  Thanks God who bestows all abilities it to me. Thanks Lord God Allah.

Thanks God who give the pleasant to me be a person with creative mind and always be positive to faces all the hardship and sorrow in the life.

The true experience of my life as a caregiver to a stroke patient for almost 15 years, implied that to be a successes person to handle all the difficulties in leading the family, we must be ready with huge some of soft skills. These will ease our life to solve all the problem in day to day activity.  The well knowledge person can handle many things that made him be a dedicated person and able to face all the challenge.

Wallahu'alam.

 

Tips.

1. The  husband should help his wife's housework. Thus joint effort between husband and wife to keep house work for family, will be a good  because such action will be able to add love to the husband and wife. This deed was done by his Messenger SAW. Helping housework is sunnah.

2.      If the husband is always helping housework, like cooking, going to be a husband to run the facilities to cook meals for working families in the event of unforeseen emergencies, such as the  wife got sick once in a while, or wife gripped prolonged illness. Malty tasking soft skill will ease for a husband to settle the problem facing in the family from time to times.

3.      husband who can cook would be an idol to their children, they will learn to cook for themselves at first, and over time will make a hobby in his spare time,   cleverness man in cooking will make their lives easier when they married and have a family someday.

4.      husband and wife who are both cooks will be able to reduce the frequency of family  dinner out. Meals provided at home is cheaper and cleanliness is assured. Benefits can enjoy a delicious meal and clean with cheapest cost much better when all the family   eat the food prepared by a husband or father occasionally. Lunch provided by the parents is more blessed hands, God willing.

5.Husband who has multitasking skill and talent will be able to help his wife at home, occasionally they working together at home will be able to strength the loving ties and this is one of the best formula to be practiced if we are targeting to long lasting our happy family.