Put priority to wife needs

23. Put priority to wife needs

When a Muslim man to marry it is responsible for the maintenance and the needs of his wife. Either physical and spiritual sustenance and basic Islamic education, the ability to follow the requirements of the husband. When given children the responsibility will increase because it has become father to support the needs of maintenance and education of their children as well.

Nevertheless responsibility for both mother and father also cannot be ignored and it is still bound by the trust. In the Hadith Sahih Bukhari, a man asked the Prophet meant:

"Who should we respect and love of God and the Prophet?"

The Prophet replied, "Your mother"

"After that?" -

"Your mother"

"After that?" -

"Your mother"

To 4 times the man asked, "And then?"

The Prophet replied, "Your father"

This hadith explains after Allah and His Messenger, who should be respected and loved by a mother and father. Not just respect and love them but all the necessities of life, safety and their rights should be filled just before the child's ability.

According to Al Qurtubi, disobedient to parents is against the order of the two, as they devote their means to obey both. Based on this, if both or one of them sent his son, then his son must obey if the order is not immoral. Although originally the order including the nature of permissible.

In awarding alimony, Islam establishes a husband and wife should put the children of other people (including parents). Rank income are as follows:

a) Self
b) Wife
c) Children
d) Father
e) Mother
f) Grand Children
g) Grandfather
h) Brother
i)  Members of the next family.

This sequence is based on the Hadith of the Prophet who insisted;

 "Start with yourself, be charitable to yourself. If there is a surplus, then for your wife. If there is a surplus, then for your family members. If there is a surplus again, so to so and so; ie the person in front of you, on the right and left of you "(Narrated by Imam Muslim and an-Nasai of Jabir. al-Jami 'as-Saghier, hadith no. 46).

Imam an-Nawawi said, commenting on this tradition; Among the conclusions of this tradition is; shall be initiated in accordance with the maintenance order in which they (the Hadith). (Valid Sharh Muslim, chapter 7, the az-Zakah, about al-reflexion 'an-Fi nafaqah Bin-Nafsi Tsumma Ahlihi Tsumma al-Qarabah).

It should be mentioned here that the maintenance for the wife must be given by the husband,  even his wife is richer and located. A husband who fails to provide maintenance to his wife according to his capability, duly considered owe it to his wife to abort their rights except when the wife of his own accord. Similarly, the wife may sue her husband for failing to  provide maintenance ( permission for divorce) .  The maintenance to someone other than his wife, it is not mandatory unless it meets two conditions:

a) They are poor, have no property and has no source of income. If they have property or have a source of income, yet it is not obliged to support them. But he encouraged them to continue Giving to maintain love and friendship.

b) It has the ability to bear them; either by wealth or income sources. These capabilities include the cost of remuneration for himself and wife. If there is a surplus (after deducting the needs of self and wife), then he is obliged to support the family members of the other.

Refer to the above questions, the husband should not ignore maintenance to his wife and children because he wanted to help parents in the village, to provide maintenance for his wife and children is required dan mandatory. If his parents need a living from him, he shall provide for them without neglecting his wife and children. Even if he is able to accommodate all of them. If not, he should put his wife and his children priority.

In my  life, I often prefer the wives of other people's needs. The rationale for it is I should  claim that follow the syariah instruction, further more, my  wife is the closest person and foremost to meet the needs of my life than to others. My wife of a friend who lives closest to me. Happy  or sadly lives she always with me, but others they will be a friendly when I am rich and can give something to them, but during my difficulty and when I  ask for help they will give various reasons. The reality of life, when we are rich so many friends around us but when we are grieve no one coming and left alone.

In this life we ​​have to know which one priority and which are less important, therefore it is very important to put priority for wife needs, especially at the  early stages of marriage due to husband capability is  limited. His income just enough to give maintenance for him and his wife. It would be insufficient load of money if he give preference to others.

Trough my experienced, monthly maintenance for family should be proper plan and must be reliable to the monthly income of the husband. If we spent for some thing must be comparable to out capability , “ put your foot in your own shoe”. If we tend to be proud off and spending  without any control , probably the over spending situation will be occur. At the long run  will be facing with monthly financial shortage, the husband will try his best to get loan from various agency.

In some cases, the husband very hard to spent some money to his wife and family. He always told his family to spend wisely, but for his business concern he do not control his expenditure with the reason that is part of his business entertainment, he will spent thousand dollar at 5 star hotel for lunch with  business friends and client,  but for a meal with his wife  and family just to eat at the stalls and night markets. . When we  asked why he was doing so, he said eating at a five-star hotel to celebrate business clients, but when we get together with family has to  control monthly spending budget. Because of how hard we transform and get money.

For me giving priority to wife is the practices should be done by the husband. Especially if we take note the wife pain and sorrow more than 9 month during pregnant before he gift birth our child. For me, my wife sacrifices 7 times to gift birth for my kid. I could not imagine how laborious my wife endure such suffering, allergies, dizziness and vomiting, she usually takes 4 to 5 months to stabilize the situation of allergies. How  distress my wife has to face during heavily pregnant. I am very sorry for the pain borne by the wife during the time of the birth.

Being a husband who cares and is responsible for his family, the wife sacrifices for the happiness of the family is not countable. So if we want to be exemplary husband who fulfill the mandate demanded by Islam, we should give priority to the spouse in any circumstances whatsoever.

Effects on the action and self shown by the husband to give priority to the needs of his wife, it will be born a love that is so strong in the instinctively wife to her husband, this situation will impact very important to households. Domestic happiness would allow the wife to educate children with a warm atmosphere and a bunch of hearts. Eventually it will give a very good impact on the developing baby. Babies who grew up under the care of mothers who have emotional, cheerful and happy children will be healthy and active, intelligent and steady development of the mind when they grow up.

Tips

1.         Husband is absolutely essential to give priority to  wife in every way. It is important to settle the responsibility of the husband to the wife alimony. The role of the husband to maintain the need of  elderly parents should not give limitation for him to provide sufficient maintenance to his wife and family.

2.        Prioritize to  wife is a sign of love from husband, and also to show appreciation and gratitude husband to a wife who sacrificed so much during pregnancy and gift birth to  infant. She as a caring mother will take care to grow up and educate their kids.

3.        Wife prioritized by husband is al pleasure while I will be a loyal friend who helps her husband in the event of hardship and misfortune.  But  if we give preference to others, while his wife and family are cast aside or given less attention, then there will be a troubled family relationships, there will be jealousy and envy of his wife and children to the husband as head of the family. If this situation exists in a household in wait time for households will fall apart. When there is a divorce will impact the growth and development of their children's education.

4.        The husband who cares for religion to keep the mandate as head of their families, will ensure his wife and children get basic necessities of life such as physical and spiritual sustenance given perfectly.

5.       The  husband who  give priority to the needs of his wife and children,  when he  reach old age (elderly) will get proper care of the children and grandchildren.

6.        By sunatullah if we make merit to his wife and children, when the time comes that we need their help, it would be as good as possible. Keep in mind all our contributions to the wives and children if given in good faith and to fulfill their religious obligations, we get valuable rewards acts of God in the hereafter. Actually heavenly reward of Paradise by God to the faithful and devoted servant and to the welfare of families and persons in need is a very important asset in the field and in the hereafter.

Wallahu'alam