KEEP WIFE SECRET TO YOURSELF

19. KEEP WIFE SECRET TO YOURSELF

MARRAGE is the climax of perfect love of the couple, their aim and desire to live together in happy and peace till the end of their life and hopefully to be together forever as the blood flowing in the body and the lung can breeze the fresh air. But in reality of life like the wave of the sea, there is a soft and windy breeze and sometimes there is a thunder storm that will hit the ship rowing in the sea water and will made the passenger shivering of frighten and crying. That the true picture of marriage couple life as the time go on.

During the mood of honey moon, the couple of newly marriage will feel happy, lovely and sweet. But as the time go on there will be a true color of the couple came out, the bad color of spouse start to come out. This the time of thunderstorm start to blow out the happiness and sweet memories. The situation when start to be a hot weather to come to the household, the husband whose are responsible to lead the ship of family, should plan a contingency action plan to resolve the problem arise. 

Households should be built based on the values ​​that are quite perfect because many households will be able to ensure the birth of a happy husband, wife, parents and children as well. For that husband and wife should make adequate preparations to be applied in respect of households in life. Why not, on average, parents are not so serious in handling the affairs of their households.

It is sufficient to provide food, clothes and school children manage without important element of affection and foster closer ties between all members of the family. The effect occurs not only divorce cases involving young people and the elderly. Even more distressing, causing damage to household serious issues arise, such as abuse of wife, children, incest and the like.

Wisdom spouses in running a household is the most important aspect in maintaining harmony among the family.  Some time there will be misunderstanding between husband and wife. The husband should play important role to re correct  their relationship, but not all condition able to re correct. So the war began between husband and wife, what and more if the wife is a person not so esesy to give apollogise to her husband. Prolong bad relationship with your wife is  an element that can disrupt the love relationship and the failure of the husband and wife.  to keep secret many households where the household is in disarray due to the husband or a wife who behave like a hawk and disseminate confidential partner to others.

Opening the disgrace of others is a very shameful act. In addition reprehensible acts that constitute a grave sin. The Messenger   of Allah said:

"Who would cover the disgrace of a Muslim, will be covered in shame in this world and the Hereafter" (Reported by Ibn Majah chapters II / 79, is authentic).

"Who took the good shall be rewarded as reward those who follow him, without reducing their reward in the slightest, and who invites distraction for him to follow her sin as sin without reducing their sins in the slightest." Narrated by Muslim, 2674

The Word of God, which means: 

“There is no good  in most of their secret counsels except( in his) who enjoy charity or goodness or reconciliation between people ; and whoever does this seeking Allh’s pleasure, We will give him a mighty reward”  (Surat an-Nisa: 114)

Even Prophet Muhammad  SAW also educate to Muslims to cover secret (evil) brother of another Muslim. In the words of the Prophet is quoted from Abu Hurayrah that means:

"Do you know what backbiting or tell the other person's disgrace? And the friend replied: Allah and His Messenger know best."

Then Allah's Apostle explains:

"That you call your brother something he hated? Then there are some who say: Tell us, what if I told you there is to it? He prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said: If you say it, then you have to do backbiting, and if it does not possess what you say, and you have to lie to him. "(Muslim).

From the above verses of Quran and Prophet word,  it has many restrictions  of open ridicule of others. And psychologically, open and talk about other people's disgrace is a personality disorder that should soon heal. For if not immediately solved it will bring disease to the heart and endless disbelief.

Better to correct intent and improve our own worship. Take the mirror and see the mistakes and weaknesses our self. God has a lot to cover our mistakes, not counting how much love and grace of God to us so that we protected the vices of his.

Allah also says in verse 12 of Surat al-Lo, which means:

"And do not find fault with others and do backs of others. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother. So you would have disgusted him. "

It is in fact to prevent such acts and reprehensible nature very serious temptations. But God has given sense to choose, the most important intention and counsel are compulsory. Therefore, when a Muslim brother who liked to tell the ugliness around other people, then our duty to alert and prevent it. Our duty to stop all the bad attitude of such person. Give advice to the to stop the sin.

Brothers and sisters, we are not perfect, all of us did the bad thing in the past, a lot of sin of our self have to asked pleasant from God.  Therefore, we become servants of God were to remind each other and forgive the mistakes of others, not the judge of other people's mistakes and disgrace.

The Prophet said: "From Anas R.A., when I (Allah) raised (Ascension), I passed by some people who had nails of brass scratching their faces and chests of their own, then I (Allah) said: Who are they, O Gabriel? Then Gabriel said: 'These are people who eat human flesh (discuss disgrace) and touching their honor "(Abu Dawud).

From the above hadith, it is haram for a Muslim to kill, devour, or talks  other Muslim honor in a way that is not allowed in Shari'a. Telling disgrace others include large sin. This heinous act perpetrated by some of among Muslims. Assuming they make  it trivial problems so they do not forbid her case before them.

Backbiting or evil or speak evil of others is among the causes of enmity between Muslims and damage the relationship between them. Because of the bad deeds of the Almighty likens ghibah who does backbiting with people eating meat in the dead brother.

So the husband and wife should always cover the disgrace or their marriage secret from the knowledge of the others, even to the parents and in-laws. The fact that the purpose of marriage secret is actually divided into several forms that need to be known to his position as:

1.  Secret particular:

Mysteries of the special is a personal matter that was specifically asked by the husband or wife of the couple to be kept confidential. Imam al- Ghazali had already stated in his book al-Qulub Mukasyafatu of some scholars interpretation of God's command to believers in order to maintain and where the trust is "a word or sentence" mandated to be maintained and kept confidential. It must maintain this trust. Similarly, whispered something to pair with the request that it be a secret between them, then it belongs to a trust that must be protected.

2.   The Secret Of Touching Safety :

There may be people who are hostile to our partner malicious and want to betray and  ashamed.  The enemy may disguise a request from us all the information, background and so on. In this situation we, as spouses must be clever and wise. Incorrectly giving information to the enemy will surely pose a danger because there is recorded history of the story of the wife of al-Ghazi Sam'un that reveals the secrets to the enemy forces her husband to make her husband's life is threatened. Therefore do not be too honest or provide any information that reveals the "secret" of security partner. As much as possible try to detect the malicious tricks on the couple through their words or behavior.

3.   The Secret of Possessions:

Property and financial partner is also a secret that must be protected and defended by the wife. In this case, the wife is mainly functioning as a housekeeper would the person most instrumental in keeping the marriage secret built as the Prophet himself had said that: "The best wife is able to please her husband when the husband saw it and when asked she obey you, and she can keep his self-respect and your luggage when you are not at home. "(at-Tabarani)

In this context, household, and all that is said to be "property" and fortress of family secrets. It is the responsibility of husband and wife take care of him. Therefore, Islam forbids people to steal a glance into someone else's house without getting permission from the landlord. Prophet's saying: "If anyone has a look-jengok your house without permission, and then you throw stones at him until his eyes burst, you shall not sin." (Bukhari and Muslim)

4.   The Secret of Bedroom:

This is the most secret core and the last bastion where the marriage secret  related lovemaking spouse shall be hidden and only a secret between couples,  because the law is illegal and sinful if one of the spouses to publicize their relationship to knowledge ears and eyes of others, despite her own children. That is why Islam enjoin that separated the beds of children since they are seven years old and teaches them to salute and ask for permission before they go into their parents' room mainly on three occasions as mentioned in the Quran, namely before morning, around noon and after Isha (night) because  the possibility of conjugal of them are together or they are resting, relaxing or sleeping.

5.  Secrets On Problem Dignity :

Dignity involve nakedness, disgrace and weakness of a person. Allah says which means: "The woman was a righteous woman is the women who are obedient (obedience) and maintaining dignity in the absence of her husband as God has saved them." (An-Nisa: 34) In this case, many things can happen if the pair failed to protect his dignity as:

i. The wife or husband cheating on their partner.
ii. Couples looking for entertainment outside the home.
iii. Couples duplicate spouses.
iv. The couple tells the secrets of his household to others.

6.   Secrets Regarding Maintenance :

 In this case the husband is obligatory to provide maintenance or expenses for his wife and his children. This gift is the ability to follow, not to be labeled as a miserly and stingy husband or the husband is too wasteful and live in luxury. The root person is obliged to spend of his abundance. Thus the problems of living with a partner should be discussed in order not to harass oneself or others curse because of our failure to keep the secret.

Mutual understanding and open-minded (the patient) is the ultimate must-have in the soul of each individual who is a husband or wife. Should not be any party, the spouses acted express themselves and tell secrets to outsiders before the couple try to resolve the problem by way of discussion but not found another solution so that the secrets of households had expressed to third parties.

For example , as the events that have happened in the days of the Prophet Muhammad in which a wania complain to him that he had been beaten by her husband. At first, he decided that her husband may apply qisas (at reciprocated o'clock), but at that very moment was the revelation that allows a husband beating his wife under certain circumstances, namely to educate (not hit to hurt or hit because of anger). Indirectly, women had been leaked household with her ​​husband to tell disadvantages to third parties, namely the Prophet.

And in such cases, it is not wrong for a wife (or husband) to unlock the secrets of the household because it is made in the interest or the good of the household itself. That is when a problem arises in a conjugal relationship that can not be resolved through mutual discussion, and the husband or wife feels that she is no longer able to deal with it, then a solution must be taken with the involvement of 'outsiders', in other words, forced marriage secret Open to human knowledge. But some things have to be taken into account, namely:

i) Refer to the appropriate person

In the event was unanimous determination to bring about the internal household to others, it should be referred to the appropriate person as not just any person can be a problem especially if he complained involve confidential matters. Ensure that the person who complained it was he who trusts, reliable, feature impartiality vulnerable emotions, calm and conciliatory character. If not, he may be the instigator and tracer problems. No matter whether he is a close friend or even a counselor with experience, which is important in helping to provide insight and advice, or to mediate in the correct bilateral relations between husband and wife interrupted.

ii) Unlocking the Secret suitable

We must remember that the people who complained it remains an 'outsider' in the context of a household. Therefore whatever you want to tell him the secret should be limited to matters related to the problems faced alone. Nothing more than that. Let alone due to the influence of emotions, we open the secrets of the couple.

iii) Refers to Hakam

"Hakam" is representative of both the husband and wife where the man is represented by a judge, so did the woman. Sometimes the court itself, which will appoint the arbitrator where both these rulings serve as a conciliator to help resolve the case at hand.

It is mentioned by Allah says which means: "And if you worry about a breach between the two (husband and wife), then appoint an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people." (An-Nisa ': 35)

Both of these rulings will do 'questionnaire' to the husband or wife in a separate session, to determine the cause and its problems. Hence the importance of the role of the arbitrator chosen must have properties as a reliable, wise and just, can keep a secret, to act wisely and do not favor any party. In this case, the husband nor the wife should give confidence to the tenets on which some of the secrets of their household had to be expressed. 

Then the two rulings will meet to find a solution. Assuming there is no longer found common ground between the two spouses, both must agree arbitrator to decide between them in a way where it should be referred to the court.

iv) Refers to court

This is the final stage in which a solution through discussion and through a counselor or mediator "jurisprudence" is no longer open any hope for peace. Here, the court may

decide on the future of the household where the household secrets involved had revealed before a judge or court.

Example  stories that never happened in the days of the Prophet as Khadijah ra Saiditina wisdom in keeping the secret of the apostolic Prophet received the first revelation in the Cave of Hira 'in which he has acted wisely by telling incident only to certain people to get their views and did not refer to just any person but pick ones that have been identified are eligible to become a reference and can keep a secret. That man was his own cousin, Waraqa bin Nawfal, a pious who still hold to the doctrine of monotheism. The neatly kept secret until the Prophet himself had orders to go into the community to convey trust revelations.

Whatever the problems faced include household things, as a Muslim, we should always remember Allah and ask help from them. Work istikharah prayers and prayers before making any decision to be given guidance and strength. In addition, you take a Tips from the black and white of a society around us. As the saying goes, "A good, make an example, the bad and promote the borders."

For me it was the best wife in the lives of our families, but every so-called human beings must have weaknesses, except that the percentage of a person's vulnerability is different from one person to another. In reality in the life of Prophet Muhammad SAW is the perfect everything. Yet he's forgiveness more than 70 times in a day and night (Hadith).

To ensure that the relationship between husband and wife is always peace and harmony, I practice the habit of secrecy  about the shortcomings and disadvantages of the wife .. All these secrets are kept for myself  only and as a guide for me to find the best way how to advise and provide guidance to the wife. Hopefully he will turn to be a human being  better and did not practice bad behavior of her life in the future.

A practice that I always practice  is that I do not focus very vices wife, because for me it's just the nature of the environment than 10-15% of the overall good properties on the wife. Islam teaches its followers  to look good rather than evil one.  After all Islam teaches its followers to be forgiving. Because Allah is Pardoning and have a forgiving nature. When we make ourselves as someone who always think positive, if there are flaws committed by the wife, I will first analyze and get the source  of why it happening, what factors caused the   wife to make things got better, also analyzed whether the offense small sin or big sin.

Up to now there is no greater sin mistakes made ​​by my wife. Every now and then there do mistakes   can be forgiven.   Besides, I will act to advise her wisely so that my  wife can do corrective for herself. As a husband, if we manage to educate a woman who made ​​a mistake, to return to square one and repent of wrong doing. Maybe she was doing due to ignorance.   The husband should give  his wife an opportunity to correct mistakes, and help his wife to correct her mistakes so she can position herself  to the religious right track.

My principle is,  if we want others to make things good for us, ourselves first have to be good to others, honorable based on the reference to Islam. If we ourselves are able to practice any religious instruction at all times. Then our wives will follow our conduct and will become husband and wife who are very respectful and have good manners and noble.

The results of the practice   such a conjugal relationship we both always intimate and friendly, even the atmosphere of our daily lives like husband and wife who had just experienced the first night of marriage and to make sense of love and compassion has never faded in   time. Although the wedding we had passed the last 34 years.

If we always adopt a positive attitude, our lives became cheerful at all times. Because   for me if there is a problem in my household is quicker to take action to see insight our self - ponder   to myself first, as to whether the offense caused God to give disaster. After it was seen out on the weaknesses of  wife and children.   We also must have a positive attitude,  the disaster that God has given to us the impression  that God is testing our faith and devotion, to allow God to further increase our ranks. Because the word of God. "Did the man gets the goodness of my favor before their trials" (Quran). "After the trouble will come blessings and pleasure of God." This is the principle which was set by me in this life. Therefore, if we always trust in Allah after we tried to do as best as we can. God willing, we will get results   either with the help of Allah.

Tips:

1.        The husband should always maintain the confidentiality of the wife's ugliness. This is the nature of a husband who will get the pleasure of Allah. Because Islam teaches its followers to take care of other people's secrets, especially their weaknesses.

2.      husband as the head of their families is a responsibility to keep the secret about the ugliness of his wife and his children. Because evil character of his wife and children is the responsibility of the husband to provide advice and   also teach them to be good and not run into mistakes that have been done before.

3.      Islam teaches its followers to always maintain confidentiality and cons of other people we know. The goal is not to slander arise in the life of society. But only when the irresponsible behavior in public life, there will be a tense social relations and in the long run will   apply   greater hostility. Therefore Islam considers 'persecution was more dangerous than killing”,.

4.      If the husband and wife conceal weaknesses of the knowledge of others, then these properties will also be attended by the wife and their children, These conditions that exist in a family atmosphere will produce a better family relationships because   family members have a habit of secrecy disadvantages others. Eventually it will produce harmonious and happy situation in the family. This nature must be starting in a family,  then the goal of creating the concept of 'My Home is My Heaven "will be achievable.

5.  Harmony relationship among the family members, will be able to form a society of harmony and helping each other. Lovely and friendly relationship that happen in the society will be a first step to build a harmonies nation.

Wallahu'alam.