Chapter 2 : My intention to be the best husband.

My intention to be the best husband.

In reality in the lives of "put intention" is a key element in any action. According to the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad  SAW  "start something with the intention of doing for God." If we do a job because God is certainly   the result and effect of our actions will be based on the shariat (Islamic law)  and the rules laid down by Allah. If this happens it will acquire a better world and Hereafter. Because any work that started with the intention of Allah will be rewarded by Him. For example if we fenced in the morning to leave the house to go to work because seek lawful income for us to give maintenance to our wife and gave food and shelter to family members and provide a vehicles, it will be considered religious, but if we do not install the intention that it will not get as a reward of worship. What a loss. But in reality, how many people practice it. 

“ I will be a best husband to you darling, pray to Allah so my intention to be realized”  I whispered to my wife on our first night of our marriage about three decade ago.

" Insya Allah. If that is your intention Abang” My wife who lay beside me.  She looked into my face with a hopeful smile. That is my promise to my beloved wife, ever since it first began, and forever. Could what is happening now as the wisdom of God who wants to test the loyalty of our love.

Reflecting the reality of life that I passed through.  during  the first intend to get married in the early 80s. The main intention is to select the best woman of my dreams (faithfully, educated, beautiful and rich) to be my wife. With the intention put in my mind. 

I do not encourage socializing to ensure always obey the Islamic faith and rules. Even though by that time, most of the university student will  ‘couple ' while studying. That the life style of U student and they are proud to do that. But for me I did not practiced that habit because it is against Islamic faith and rules, thanks God.

"Nik what wrong with you, always lonely  in the dorm room " said Lee, who use to be my roommates in the dormitory USM three decade ago.

‘ Dear friend, I am so sorry, my principle is different from others” I try to response to  Lee question,

Both of us are in the first year of university, he did social science and mine in Housing, Building and Planning.

 

"Sorry, Lee, I have a different principle,, if I'm interested to somebody, she  will be a candidates of my future wife, not just as a social accord, for happy go lucky”.

" Nothing wrong Nik, everybody practiced that” Lee try to influenced me.

“Better  to be friends and get to  know  each other” 

“ It is normal Nik”. Lee to convince me to accept his idea.

"After all we still under studying, after graduation we can arrange for married”. 

"Sorry guys, I'm different principles with you. My self was teach to love a woman just to be my wife, not for pleasure, my religion prohibits socializing between men and women, furthermore if they are stranger" I try to explain to Lee.

Lee looked at me with a thousand questions reveals he needed further clarification on the issues we discussed.

I am grateful to God who has guided such principles that I have ever since  youth. And it remained until I was married. Eventually that principle is exist till current status. Thus principle that made the pure love with sincerity.

 

My current wife is a lady of whom my desire to her while both of us jointly take the bus to school almost 2 year, but both of us hiding our desire by heart. When we came across only sidelong glances and smiles only disclosed by us, passionate love stored silently in our hearts.  My interest in my wife  now is due to the beauty of her  appearance unequaled  at the time. Her beauty has a face that always looked young (cute) with the hair root, milky white skin color, body shape skinny slim and of medium height caused shadows his face always imagined in the mind. Her face  a beautiful, milky white skin and her style is polite. Similar face as nearly equal to one popular actress in the 80s.

“ Darling, did your realized that, I actually fell in love with you while we were both waiting for a bus to go to school those school day “ My wife told me on the first night of our marriage.

"No wonder, when I stare at you, you look so shy and fated” I quipped.

"Of course, otherwise how can we get married" Her finger pinched my thigh. "Aduuuuh,."

That's the story of how both of us come to love each other for some time ago. Alhamdulillah,  with God's will we finally unite nevertheless.  Could it be the actual prove the faith of Muslim that the mate of male and female has been determined by Allah in Luh Mahfuz since we were born. .

Our introduction for serious intertwined after we  inadvertently meet one night  at Stage Presentation at a school, collided with my wife who was accord by her mother and family to watch the show.

"I think  we were met before."  That is the first word I uttered when stare at her that night.

"This morning we meet near the stadium," She replied with a smile carve to me.

 " Where is your office ?" I asked her  again, after  a reprimand get an answer. 

" My Office at Din Construction, You where ?" she replied with sweet smiled at me.

"I am student, undergoing my practical at PWD "I replied spontaneously in response to her.. In my mind so happy with out any words to be presented. Because the girl of my dreams could I have previously commented and  he gave a positive response. That was the first moment we got to know each other more closely.

The next day during lunch break, I hurried to the stadium to find Din Construction office. I am very keen to see the girl which I met last night. When I   arrived at the stadium, I saw her  at the counter, she wore a yellow colored milk of  baju kebaya with batik sarung,  She look so pretty and beautiful.

"Asalamualaikum" I greeted as soon as the alert is on the front counter.

"Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah hiwabarakatuh " she replied with sweet and lovely smile. 

" Can you find my office”.  She look excited. 

"The time is almost here, it is easy to see," I  replied as I watched the girl in front of me. Hearts began to feel palpitations, heart rate is getting faster. I felt something unusual when dealing with her at that time. It's known this before I never talk to her, just squinting eye and keep the feeling in the heart. Is it is the beginning of love that start to breed in my soul and dream of me to the pretty girl which come to my heart nearly a two years  times.

After that event, we used to meet and eat together during lunch hour break. Some times we together for evening coffee after office hours. 

On day when I and her  in  "Santo Restaurant". When we were still having coffee together and chatted. Unfortunately I had expressed this to her.

"I want you to be my special girlfriend ".  she look pale and excited. stared into my eyes deeply and her beautiful eyes  felt to my heart. Her body a bit shivering. May be she was surprised what has come out from my mouth.

 “ Is it true "she said simply, looking at me with a thousand meanings.

 “ Sure in deed, Not joking, I am serious" my  respond enthusiastically to give her confidence.

"  But I'm not educated like you“ she reply and stare deeply into my eyes.

"That's not the issue, what the most you really like me" I assured her that I was serious and not kidding..

Since that meeting, we often meet and eat together during lunch hour. It seem both of us start loving each other.

After I am completing my practical season at PWD Kota Bharu, Kelantan. 

One day I informed ,her that I am seriously want to take her as my wife, the official “Meminang” (engagement) will be coming soon after my graduation.

             

My Father and mother  agreed with my suggestion, moreover they both were well informed about our relationship from my sister who lives in military quarters. Thus  quarters not far from the prison where her father served as staff surgeon.

" We was set the date for engage about a month times. Tentatively the wedding date to be after your graduation next year. Dad and mom hope your agree with our plan. Better to focus to your final examination” I sill remembered my father latter sent to me.  I was so delighted. The decision was a surprise too, because they have been blessed and continue to make preparations for my marriage.

My parent action may they felt it was time for me to settle down. I was completed my study and further more I am the only son and second in my family. My patents know that I am not a social  guys. Or may be they also think that my age over 28 years by September 1980, that is too old in Malay tradition if a gentlemen is not yet married.  Those all sort of things that my marriage were arrange by  my patent.

I just got to know each other deeply during our engagement period of 1 years, that is not too close due to our location separated to far away, more than 600 km distance. Myself stay at Penang and her stay at Kota Bharu. We seldom meet together during our engagement. What both of us doing just wrote a letter to each other to release our lovesick and intention. 

Looking back my intention to start married before, there are also weaknesses that were ignorant of the claims of religion, as in starting the intention, no intention ego still young people who want a beautiful wife, a beautiful appearance   is  prior preferred, then followed with religion, wealth, family and moral descent. While the advice Islam to be the husband to give priority to the theology and practice, then followed with beauty, wealth and family.  

Could disability suffered by my wife after we got married and lived happily together for over 20 years, is a reminder of God that if you choose a woman's beauty, it's not going to last long and He can take it at any time. Well proven the Prophet said (hadis). The fact that my wife which I am proud of her beautiful is not long lasting, and now proven the Lord Allah taken back all the my admire of her “comel lote” (Cute and Beauty). Now she's become a reality as a cue that proud of me before this beauty by a woman who has become disabled person.

Thus scenario make me deeply realize that every thing we have in the world is the blessing off Allah. We just been lend for sometime to used it. So there is not wright to claim what we got is due to our capability, our skill and brilliant knowledge, the fact that all those thing we have in this world is owned by Allah. All Their, we have nothing.

Now the incident make me realize the disable persons needs of us support, either physically or morally. They are not asked to be born with disable. But their disability is given by Allah. That it, they have to accept. So we whose been born with fully ability mentally and physically has to be bare in our mind, the disable person also need their wright to live happily and peacefully in the universe. So they have to be giving the same chances and opportunity.  We as normal person should give full support and help to  those handicap persons.

So let us together to help those who are handicapped or disabled by giving them the opportunity to equally enjoy the freedom to live like normal people. For God looks, perfect or imperfect rather than a stone measuring one's status. God looks at man by faith and devotion. They are high that the devotion is honored by God. They are the ones who will go to heaven, it is full of enjoyment.

If the intention is remembered back to the first installed there is also the element of temptation, now God show His great power to transform all human events. Conclude of the story that if we are very profound to humble ourselves that we shall   always be sincere  when installing an intention to do something to get   the pleasure of Allah.

Fortunately in the early first marriage was also put  intention that I would be the best husband to my wife and children. Try my best to be a man loved by family and relative. This intention,  Alhamdulillah Allah has Fulfill although not 100%.   This I say because Allah has given me  patience, perseverance, determination, and physical abilities to myself  as caregiver to paralyzed wife  and proven by maintaining the duties till now that has spanned for almost 15 years.

My passion and ability to take care my loving wife for more than 15 years is a great achievement as caregiver to stroke patient. The stories spread over to the family members, my friends and neighbor  . To such appreciation I am scare and feel worries if it may miss lead me to be an ego person and proudness of myself. Such praise is actually made me more scared and afraid to accept it, because we do not know our future will it always be as good as today or yesterday or the day before. As history has recorded a success story in the beginning and after climbing the peak of  success began to forget himself and was eventually broken by egos are so high until finally he began condemned and scorned. 'O Allah, I so Comatose preserve these properties for myself and my family and close friends’. 

Nevertheless hear are complaints of a   two pies and two who feel envious of my ability to take care of a sick wife   and mother-in-law also makes me   have lived in our home for almost 15 years, since he was so close to my wife. Discontent arises because when they invited his mother to make pilgrimages to their homes, often at the invitation of the reasons she did not able to leave her paralyzed daughter alone. Thus situation sometimes make my in law a bit disappointed and frustrated. Thus will effect our ties to some extant.  I was given guidance by   God to be such issues as minor issues that must be faced in our lives. Allhamdulillah our family ties can keep in peace. 

Sometimes we have put the intention to be a best husband. A true example leader, faithful and devoted, love to be righteous and to determine soleh and solehah of our family. But the actual achievement is beyond our power, the most powerful is Allah whose can finally set the actual achievement and so forth.

Tips:

1.     "The happiness of the household depends on the intentions of couples who want to get married. If the intention of getting married in order to please God, will be commendable attitude between husband and wife. Mixing in the surf boat home will be based on the laws set down by the Quran and Hadith. Households will receive the blessings and guidance of God. Family relationship is always cheerful and peaceful. "The marriage  would last until the end of life –Insya Allah ( God willing)"

2.    The relationship between male and female should not to socialize. There must be limitation that are restricted to the Islamic teach and the Eastern Culture do and don’t,  if their relationship too free may be to sum extend both of them will be further dealing with unlawful sex intercourse. These will be bad for their future generation. This will lead to discord easily occur when there are problems in the household and ultimately easily lead to divorce. When divorce  occurs, children will be the victims and may affect the achievement of their academic, thereby making their future is rather grim. Many cases of separation of husband and wife which resulted in children who lack parental love and affection, will be lured to blame drug abuse or other social issues-lin. Endless become hardcore addicts and cause problems to society and the nation.

3.      Factor beauty looks while choosing life partner is not be a major factor, as beautiful of a person can change in an instant if required by God.  A beauty queen that crazy by gentlemen   can be ugly overnight when his face hit of acid or involved in an accident. Therefore do not be a reason to choose a very beautiful woman. What the most important that a women who have religious knowledge and noble character. These properties are more short-lived and will provide many benefits to married life. ‘Solehah’ most obedience  wife will please the husband and can educate children to the streets of heaven.

4.      According to the statistics of divorce issued by the Councils of Religious  Muslims across Malaysia, the number of divorces among married in Malaysia are relatively high, it is said each day of  the sixth partner. Almost 80% of divorces that occur are of couples who received the blessing of the family during the their marriage first. Why does this happen, could it be because they have long been recognized in each other a meal of love and affection in between them began to fade when married, when this happened to occur conflict between spouses or it may be because they do not have a husband and wife enough knowledge to manage their households.

5.      In the reality of life abilities or accomplishments made by a person, not necessarily be applauded and supported by all parties, but there is certainly an underestimate because of their ability to make judgments based on different perceptions. For the offender if he commits   a job because Allah and has ensured that it does not conflict with God's commands, then we should be grateful even if not praised and admired by many. Get the pleasure of Allah is more important than getting people of the world award.

6.      Islam assess a person is their high level of faith and devotion are those who succeed in life. They will have a place in paradise full of enjoyment. Therefore everyone should use this life to earn the pleasure of Allah by increasing your faith and devotion.

7.      If we are sincere in doing a job, it would be easy, because the one who always gets help from God because they have to make something work not for the praise of man, but it does because there is a sense of responsibility and fear Allah if do not all eat him. One who can faces the tests with courage and dedication, as he always think well of Allah. When misfortune he would be patient because he believes with current disaster that He has given it as a test to further enhance the level of faith and devotion. People who sincerely believe that Allah is All-Knowing and All-Merciful and Compassionate. He will replace it with something nice disasters better than ever. For that we have to wait the time will arrive Segal mercy and grace of God. "God is with those who steadfastly persevere." 

8.      Because I put the intention to be a best husband to my wife, when she was attack by stoke, due to that she was paralyze one side of her body (right) and I become caregiver to my wife for the period of 15 year, I manage to do that due to the God pleasure that full fill my desire, Thus intention is the key of my success to be patient to face all the challenge, pain and sorrow as stroke caregiver for the period of 15 years without fail.