LOVE TO PARADISE

Preface

My intention to write this book when I  read one article related to “Long-Term Care For the Stroke Patient in Family Home Care”. Written by Kathy Henley Haugh, PhD, RN. The  author relates the exemplary care of an older woman who sustained a stroke at the age of 84. The family provided care for this stroke survivor admirably until her death 10 years later. The woman’s disabilities included right-sided paralysis, dysphasia, dyspraxia, and aphasia, as well as complications specific to enteral tube feedings, seizure activity, and urinary elimination. In the United States, approximately 780,000 Americans suffer a new or recurrent stroke each year. The median survival time after a first stroke for individuals age 6069 years is 6.8 years for men and 7.4 years for women; for those older than age 80 years, the median survival time is 1.8 years for men and 3.1 years for women. Fifty percent to 70% of stroke survivors regain functional independence; 15-30% are permanently disabled.

Due to the statistic given, I keen to write my experience as care giver to  my stroke wife for more 15 years, through my experienced and with the ability to adopted the patient as the responsibility of husband to take care and give her full support either emotionally and her daily living need. On other word caring by holistic approach able to speed up the healing process and changes to recover back to normal position is more and I manage to give her the hope for future life and she has recover up to 90 % back to normal condition. 

My key factor to be a successful caregiver is by put  intention to take care my wife as the responsibility of a husband that been lay down by my religious marriage guideline. One of the responsibility is to take care wife health and he happiness. As a husband I am committed to take care her health after 20 years of our marriage she give her sacrifice to give birth my kids for seven times. This prove that my wife is a good wife and has no complain of suffering herself to carry our baby for the time of 9 months before gift birth. I am so sympathy with her sacrifice and able to face pain and sorrow just to please her husband desire.

When she at the age of 42, suddenly she was attack by stroke (AVM) and as a result she was paralyze for half body on the right side. After warded for 30 days she was discharge from hospital and started the home care. At the first day at home she cannot walk, very hard to speak and need help for her daily living need (DLN). I have to do everything by myself due to the incident when I hired the maid she always compliant and not satisfied with the service given. At that time I am still working as Senior Manager at  Private Company. Every day when I went home she always cry and tear dropped at her chick.  Thus make me worried and to avoid her become more depress and tension I made a decision to let go the maid and put the intention  to take care of her DLN by myself and assist by my children.

For the first year as caregiver I manage to settle my task successfully. As the time passed for third year. Everything was change, at most her attitude and moral been rivers to be depress and easily be a bad mood person.  This made me so tired to take care of her desire and attitude and make me bore and start coming of negative talk in my mind that my wife is a burden to my life. This the time that is very critical that I am facing and there was a desire to marriage for second wife. But when I made my personal analyze If I do so that cannot settle my problem if not lucky may be a new problem will be arise and will make my position more stress and possibly will effect my future life, So I made determination  to continue my responsibility as husband and continue as caregiver to my wife.

From that date I made a paradigm shift by revise my personal effort and put intention that all the problem facing by me is a test form His Mercy God Allah. I have to face all the test with passion and pray to Allah for His help and pleasance and if I am success to face the challenge given, the reward is great at the hereafter. The reward that every body desire and hope is the get into heaven. With thus intention I manage to face all the pain and sorrow and with patience as the time goes, it become part of my daily routine.

After 15 years as caregiver I am adopted all the skill and knowledge what I am have what I am called as holistic approach treatment for stroke patient. Alhamdulillah (thank God) my wife able to  get batter healing process and now she able to recover back nearly 90% back to normal. As at current status she manage to walk without stick, able to do herself for HLN and the most important is that she has recover back to normal person in term her thinking, memory and very confident for her future life.

The latest development with my wife performance, one doctor whose treat my wife admire my effort to give special care to able my wife healing process go smooth and he endorse my method of treatment is better to explore more for future method of prolong sickness patient. As result of my success he appoint me as a consultant to his pilot project to set up a center for holistic treatment. 

In this book I wrote my experience in phase. First phase is the practice that I am applied to lead my marriage and my family. These practices able me to strength my love with my wife and we are happy for 35 year of our marriage and get together peacefully. 

The second phase of the story is about the challenge, pain and sorrow I am facing for 15 years till now when my wife was attack by stroke. My ability to pass through all the pain and sorrow with patience and able to continue my marriage and also able to ease the healing process that my wife able to gain back her health and stay with love, joyful and has an optimistic future in life.

As caregiver for the first one year is the time I learnt a lot about taking care our lover who need aide nearly 100 % of her daily living need. As the time goes on, she has regain her movement, the mental healing is more improve and she manage to talk as normal person. During this time it happen in the range of 3,4, and 5^th year, Thus the critical and hard time for to face the attitude of stroke survivor which are very sensitive, fussy, moody that made me as caregiver very stress to handle. Thus the time I am nearly give up to take care of her. During this critical situation I has to use all  my soft skill regarding, motivation, communication, interpersonal, time management and reactive thinking, Alhamdulillah with  patient I mange to resolved all the hardship and problems facing and finally with the blessing of God, I able to prolong my responsibility to take care my stroke wife with successfully gain her healing process and till now after 15 years time, she war recover back her confident, cheerful live and the  most important achievement is that she can adopted the handicap of her right arm and leg to keep on the live as normal person, thus tons of experience I learnt in the time frame of 15 years, is a valuable knowledge that need to share with publics, who are now caring their spouse as the stroke survivor. By writing my experience in this book all our  friend over the world can get the basic info as guidance to those newly get the title of a caregiver of stroke survivor.

I hope my experience which I am recoded in this book will be one of the source for those faces the same problem or those who has to take care stroke survivor. Hopefully this book can help those facing depress and stress as a care giver to try my method of healing process to recover back the stroke patient and also to manager him or herself as caregiver which may be facing stress and depress situation .God blessing.

 Happy Reading. 

NIK RAIHAN NIK ABD RAHMAN

PANJI, MALAYSIA

1 December 2015