All God provisions laid down a silver lining ?

Every man and woman created by God absolutely needs a partner who complete each other and complement each other as God created Eve to be a friend and partner to the   Prophet   Adam.

Almost all men, has made ​​himself a place to stay for people who are admired.   Not only to have attractive appearance but also   has a full package of perfection so that it becomes an example to all - loved by wife, respected and mentor to children, admired by family and society and thus   wants to succeed in this life and the afterlife in order to please God. Had such a man possessed gentlemen, sure many   women who adored him. Therefore all men should strive to be the perfect guy and try to fulfill the desires of   the woman. If you   crave to have a partner that meets all, no one should try to be a man as perfect as possible. The goal of building a family with plenty of happiness   and blessing   is not to be a dream that could not be achieved if we   all   have a strong commitment to achieve it.  "Where there's a will, there's a way".

I've read posts tips on how to be "exemplary husband" dreams of all women or wives. Once in essence refine tips outlined that   it is a reality in my own life that have been tested by God after my beloved wife and  she as an assistant principal in the surf boat of our household had suffered a brain hemorrhage  on 2 March 2001, and she has to gone major  surgery of the brain to save her life.   The effect of that  head surgery (AVM) my  beautiful and deeply loved wife has got permanent disability as people with disabilities (PWDs).   Her body's of right side was paralyzed.   Since that moment began the sad and grim episode in our family.

Could it be that this is a disaster of God against me   in retaliation for the sins I ever do this down before or a test to see how this dwarf servants who can handle it and try to keep the surf boat even with a thousand difficulties and hardships.  Till now I could not get the correct answer.

Thank God that guidance me and given strength to   the dwarf slaves rowing boat hardly and strongly with my families to achieve God acceptance  direction even if it had to contend with deprivation as the wife of a top aide had earlier withdrawn by him favors health, Starting from the date of surgery until the day of judgment beloved wife has become a Persons with Disabilities (PWDs) who need to help nearly almost 100 per cent to take care of his daily life because the right side of the body (arms and legs) cannot function (paralysis).

Thank God   I'm very grateful that God has given me the courage to facing all the hardship and difficulty. Unfortunate as the time goes and without any calculated for, that all the struggle we facing  has now passed more than 15 years.   If computed with our wedding day   for last 35 years,  the reality is that almost half of our marriage was passed with a hardship to take care of disable  wife.  

 Any how I am  so thankful to God that give ‘hidayah’ as a  husband  and  head of the family,  can still achieve happiness in our  marriage.  Thanks God,  that gave to us a very valuable gift to a pair of lovely husband and wife with 7 kids, 4 boys and 3 girls. and has now also awarded six grandchildren. Alhamdulillah. 

Since our marriage, my lovely wife is the one who take care everything for me and my family . I am proud of her sincerity to give best service as a wife to me and family for 20 years. But now (since 2/2/2001) "  General Manager"  in the house is no longer able to work, but she need someone to take care of her daily needs such as bathing , eating, urinate, and also to push in wheelchair for moving around. The most important duty for me and my family to make sure she can performed  prayer (solat) five times a day.  Alhamdulillah for the past 15 years we manage to take our responsibility. 

I've engage an  Indonesian maids  for some times in 2002, It cost me about RM 4,000.00. For the  first month I feel very relieved because she can performed her duty very well, But after a few months later, the Indonesian Maid performance was badly done. Thus make my wife anger and she always crying with tears every day when I went home  after office. 

“ Why you are crying darling’

“ Bang, I am very sad with our maid, she did not do her job accordingly” she cried with tears.

“ Be patient darling, you have to accept that, she is a maid, her attitude must be below par ” I try to calm her emotional feeling.

“ Then,  what for we pay her, nonsense ?”  her voice highly volume

“ Ok sweet heart, I will settle to morrow  morning ok”  I try to stop her crying.

I have to take fast action regarding my wife emotional feeling, this was advised by her doctor,  if not so. Maybe she will be depressed and shall cause fits to her, if not fast action taken possibly bleeding in the brain will happen for second times, thus if un luckily  she will be coma and finally fatal.

 For that reason,  I am  resolutely made ​​the decision to lay helpers, and commit myself  to do  all the house maid duty. To ensure my wife daily nursing been taken care properly. The only way for me  to make her happy, I still remember one ustaz (religion teacher) told to me.

“ Nik, as a husband, your are bound to ensure your wife emotional feeling been taking care, that also a part of husband responsibility “

“ If I fail ustaz ?”  I try to get his advice.

“ if not you will be question by God in the day after, and your will be punish to the hell”.

 I just nodded my head as agreed what he said.  

That memory still clear in my head until now and forever.

That why I always concern about my responsibility, I don’t wont to be in the hell which is very sorrow please to stay forever in the next word.

Beginning  that date,  I personally  do all  maids duties.  cooking, cleaning clothes and other  related jobs. 

Thus duties is no harm for me,  Fortunately I've got a little experience in relation to maids jobs during my school day last time.

I've ever been helping my  mothers during my young age, that time I was given one year medical leave due to my knee pain,  after my  Junior Certificate of Education (LCE) in 1969.

To date it  reached nearly 15 years and I can do all the maid duties  as my daily jobs and I like that.

Alhamdulillah, all praise to God, Most Gracious and buffer, for their strength of mind, his stunted physical to do all this for housework and also working in the office for financial need. Can be refined as it is. More importantly God gave  and joy in my heart in the face of various challenges of life. And guides the work concerned I can do it easily without feeling tired and weary. Thank God.

As a sign of gratitude to God   for guidance me and gave, strength, perseverance and fortitude to His servants who have so little in the face of challenges and suspicions.   When remembered back a relatively long period of time, this tiny heart infusion to book a routine life that I have experienced   it for take care of paralyzed wife of nearly 15 years and continues to this day. Hopefully these notes can be one of reading materials to prospective husbands or husbands who had undergone for caring, managing and guidance of their family, at least to give some info to be made ​​an example and borders.

For me the consent of God that inspired me to write this book  is a meager contribution as a sign of mercy of difficulties that I had faced how difficult to give happiness to our family that I entrusted.

These notes may be as an initial guidelines or taken exemplary    by   the spouse whose partner is a new experience of disability eternal, because in the early moments of the alleged,  there  is the most bitter, if we are impatient and not able to uphold the challenge, most likely as leader of the family will collapsed and losers in mid-street (I've also been haunted feeling to marry another women as second wife at the third year). This possibility I mentioned because by record Position Islamic Development Malaysia (JAKIM) role in the entire period of ten years (2003 to 2013) Number of pairs Islamic divorce in Malaysia over  20 thousand a year, this number   was always increasing every year where as at 2013 total divorced amounted to  28 thousand. JAKIM study also found that those who divorce are among couples married less than 6 years age. 

Thus increasingly total number of divorce happening every year,  it is important to me to table my experienced to the public so that they can take  my achievement of taking care of my stroke wife and the most important information that, how I used my knowledge and skill in management to be implemented in my daily life as a caregiver to the stroke patient. Other most important point is that my dedicated ability to be patience of handling stroke patient and motivated her to gain back confident for her to strike back as normal person ( to date 90% achievement).

A couple of  my closed friends told me, if such a situation suffered by them, he does not believe that he manage to continuously  take care of stroke wife for a  such very long time. Most probably he will marry to second wife  on the third or forth year. Due to  difficulty of having his daily needs. In fact, they also convince me that the difficulties which I was able to handle is a “Gift form Allah” as a ticket for us to confer as  person will be given a batter hope to go to heaven. If their  predictions are correct, I am very grateful that God has chosen me as a slave to the test. I also sought pray to Allah so that my patient and sincerity of taking care my disable stroke wife could be continuously good performance till the end or our life. Oh  Allah forgive me as your humble  servant to any sins been done  before or in the future……Aameen..

Wallahu'alam.