Thankfully Allah pair with the best wife.

3.   Thankfully Allah pair with the best wife.

Terms of Allah is the best. (Humans only planned but that the success  is Allah. Allah is All-Knowing and Wise). God's plan against us is the partner that best fits our personality.

" Sister Ani kind of cute dolls" said my youngest sister,

"That's why I chose her”.

"She is the perfect partner for me" I’m to joking with my sister. The only smile shown on my face  with a thousand meanings when such praised blown out.

I still remember the dialogue that has taken place since 35 years ago. We are still in engagement season. Praise was issued by the youngest  sister when she first time face to face with prospective sister-in-law. I do not really care such expression. Because beauty is a subjective matter. Everyone has a different perspective on beauty. That human create by Allah the Almighty are perfect in everything.  Human was created with different races and colors, everything was perfect and beautiful.

As a token of my gratitude to God.  Beginning on the date of our wedding, I put intention to close the door approached by other women out there. The principle of my life to get real happiness, we must be honest and sincere dearest to his beloved wife. If we are able to emulate and look up to as a disciplined and honest will undoubtedly earn the trust and confidence by our wife and family.

"Is it true love darling " asked the wife.

"Of course my sweet heart" I replied.

"Abang   ni ... .. "spoiled wife appealed.

The words "Love" I always express to my wife, could be said almost every time when I and her stay  alone. This practice makes the love and affection we constantly evolve and enthusiastic. I feel very comfortable with this habit, wife so she only uses the word, "Abang”   when she called me and still stay up to date. Thus make our relationship so close and our happy loving evergreen till 35 years of our anniversary.

My association outside the home every day I try my best to safeguarded from any defamation, a practice that is done to prevent myself  from becoming a victim of slander,  I was always careful and cautious in dealings with other women. Avoiding is better than cure. This principles is on till now days and it seem a good tools to close our relationship as husband and wife. This is the principle been lay down by our grand-grand pa and ma for hundred years before.

"For female staff, I apologize all off  you, if your  see me driving lonely in a car  and you're waiting for the bus at the side of the road, I will not stop to fetch you"

My note to staff during a management meeting in the office once time.

" Why I am doing this ?, My principle is to avoid persecution."

“ Because slanders is more harm to the marriage couples. Miss understanding will cause a huge damages to family relationship and not so essay to put back in the wright position’ I try to elaborate more to convince my principle.

"If I have to bring our  staff for office business   outside there "" we will go by office car drive  by the driver. "

This principle has become known to all my staff. They will not be discourage if we met by the roadside. That is their boss principles. The all well know.

 Alhmadulilah my practice has caused my wife confident about my loyalty. Since our wedding till now  nearly 35 years, never once expressed his jealous wife  or "big war"   took place between us as a result of jealousy problem.

Another practice to convince my wife  that I was the one who loved and to live happily ever after,   has been proved by  ensure we are often together at all times. At one time (in 1983 - that is after 3 years  we were   married) I was directed by the Department to attend a  three months course at Malaysian Institute of Civil Servant  the North Region. After attending a course for one month. I feel lonely after been separated with my wife.

"Asalamualaikum".

"Waalaikumusalam"

"Hai Bang, You coming back so early" my wife asked.

“ Your told me  after 2 week your will be coming back again”.

" I just change my mind, on this Saturday we will going  to Sungai Petani, the house was rent already” I try to convinced my wife. "It’s true" wife was shocked, saw the joy on his face.

"Indeed, you and our kids will be there till the end of my course".

" I m going, how happy I am" wife responded with joy.

Thus are the first time I am experienced apart with my wife and kids for more than a month, It is quite sad, when we were separated with a 100 miles distance, I fee so lonely, very hard to go for sleep at night, That a lesson to me, how worried and sorrow when we were far away for some time. My be this is the sign of our closely relationship, the true love is proving.

My pro-active attitude to keep the harmony of our marriage  was able to convince the wife that her husband was a trustworthy, reliable, have a love that is not unequivocal. When this aura is embedded in the minds of my wife, it will be a spiritual and nutritional supplements to be able to further strengthen our love and my love will further strengthen domestic institutions. When the wife was compatible with one mind and have the same aura with  her ​​husband, with his instinct would make the husband and wife are compatible. Where this situation can be created in the family, will be born one atmosphere  rapport and happiness are very high.

One day  when I come home from the office, I noticed halfway, the fruit seller, then I stop the car.

"How much per bunch "

"20 ringgit, very cheap, sir"

"any discount ?"

"No, but we can give more fruit, if desired."

I chose a bunch  and give money ..

"Sell"

"Buy".

I continued drive to  my  home.

Arriving home, the wife was in the living room.

"Assalamualaikum"

"Waalaikumussalam" replied my wife as she opened the door.

I gave to her a wrap of durian fruits.

"Abang buy at fruit stand ?”.

" Yesss ?”

"Just now, while I’m  waiting for you to come home, I have an intention to eat durian, and plan to call you, now it is in front of me Alhamdulillah”.

"It was the same instinct between you and me"

"That true bang ". my wife replied.

“ It’s happen a few times already”. She alert me.

Yet the reality of life in order to maintain the principle that our wives are the best partner in Allah has bestowed on us is a very difficult thing practiced.  Every mankind  has advantages and disadvantages of each. For newly married and still on the honey moon mood, It’s seem that everything of our partner are very good, sweet, cute and fine. But as the time goes on, bit by bit will expose the bad side of the spouse will come out and show off.  Thus will bring a situation of ‘hot position’ in your home. Every body start to pin point the mistake and bad habit of their partner. Thus unease relationship between husband and wife have to stop, to avoid prolong miss communication and avoid “ open war” happening. When the unhappy situation start to blow up, the husband has to play his role to control and be a patience person, as leader and coaching the whole family to go for the ultimate aim to have a successfully family with love and peace leaving.

More unfortunate again that out there, there are other women who has the intention to capture the husband, always giving praise and try to give affection to us. Such as office mate, every day we meet and work together in such a long period off times for 8 hours. While jointly conduct official work, helping each other to prepare our office task or assignment, that over time we will have a sense of tenderness. This is the devil will play a future role for inciting children and grandchildren of the Prophet Adam AS so that will joint them   into hell, as has been promised by Satan who  in the Quran been recorded.

In the case of my wife  who was stricken with severe, such as paralysis of one side of the arms and legs, after several years of caring for the sick of the handicap patient, I am as care giver who takes care of the needs of the disabled wife,  will be raised disgust and hatred toward this attitude paralyzed patient, as she   often nag and require a guardian to be taken immediate action. This also happens to my wife, who began directing others to make things work and are asked  to complete immediately.

These strange attitude that happening after she was attack by stroke, made all my  children began to be sensitive to her, due to his bad situation, I has to be a prime care giver to my wife. For the first three years I mange to calm down with her tamper attitude.

But to such a long time after 5^th year I am quite bore with her,  I can no longer withstand conducted with the patient. I am  feeling sick began arriving little by little. Once emanated also feeling sick patient to follow all the will and wishes of the sick wife with temper and very sensitive attitude. Most likely to cry, temper with out any reasonable cause and like to be lonely and  more inferior attitude to other, she likely to see all other people hate her due to her handicap and prolong sickness of stroke.

"If that's her character, I can not stand it any more, but with a vengeance too sensitive to keep the imagination, my heart how, needs themselves by how" thinking these words in my heart when my wife sulking on a cool day.

"It seems that have to fine some one who can take care of my personal need, food, cleaning cloth, emotional release and also to flush the sex  entertainment’ that sort of thinking come to my mind.

 “ No way to give other happiness but at the same time our self loaded with stress, pain and sorrow. ' My ego feeling in the mind.

"But what happen to my wife,  if I am doing so, she would rebel and the pain will get worse, her doctor been alert to me to take care of her emotional dan feel, to avoid her to be in stressed condition,  if the attack coming for the second time, possible she will difficult to recovery and the worth condition it will be cause her to fatal.” These a few possibility that come to my mind and made me mad to get a perfect solution.

" Further more, my youngest daughter just to reach 4^th year ager, It possible for her to understand the critical situation that I am facing, whose want to care her daily needs and also the emotional requirement” I try to dip further more the negative site of my plan to get married for second wife.

" Another possibility that is all my kids will not respect to me as their idol and the person that put to me before will be gone, or lost, they will disappear dad idol in the heart. Even the possible hate me for allegedly selfish and more geared to any decision  by lust I left  alone. If this happens where I want to park my face, my dignity compromised, lost the love of family, am I willing to face it all, "I analyze my little heart desires alone about it.

"Ah, if that is not possible, a lot of bad in the good" I tried to convince myself.

I remember the story of the men were married by the two officials as to help widows who come for help him solve the problem separation in Kadi's Office. When he was married over 8 years and having a kid, for the sake of his lovely  wife he spent  thousands of dollar to expend his wife  businesses from just a small fabric stand to a medium size fabric and cloth store.  With all he has punch in to his wife business, after some time when she  has a lot of money, she started ego and start do un lawful  things by make  a relationship with another man,  At last she asked for a divorce, as happened with the first husband used to be. He had to give up his second wife with a thousand feelings of frustration.

While my heart is still disappointed with the attitude of my  wife lately, once again self-test, which  came a beautiful woman tried to ask about the lives of my family was facing problems due to my  wife suffering from paralysis and happen to be a prolong handicap stroke patient

 "Nik how are you".

"Thank God, healthy."

“ Anything I can help you” I try to please her.

"It’s ok, just come here to deliver my good." Indeed, he always came to my office to do business AVON cosmetics to  female staff.

“ How about Ani now ? " she continue the conversation.

" She is fine, there was little improvement but Still need help ".

"Who manages her daily care ?"

"I am,  Also  assisted by our  children ".

"You is the  exemplary husband, manage to do your self for every thing".

"I feel nothing, that is the duty of husband, my intention the  God's destiny."

"Why not find a maid".

"It was for some time when my wife discharge from hospital, but after a month I has to  stopped  because every day  when I am coming back after office my wife  always crying "".

"You do not even want to look for an assistant to help yourself, she  can handle all your daily needs "

"impossible there were a lady want to the old man like me ?". I am kidding,

"Do not say so, there is still a leady interested to you”. She try to convince me .

"Sure."

“ Yes I am serious, If you like I am the person will help you”.

When I  hear the invitation, I was surprised, My heart beat at the fast rate, she is beauty and cute give an offer, nothing wrong and she is in front of me now..

" I should grab this offer, so long I been suffering, my wife is sick there is not sure when her can gain the heal,  I’m so frustrated with her attitude lately”  my mind start confusing me.

“ Hai Nik take the offer, a sound heard at my ear “ I try to find somebody but nothing, only both of us just in my office.” Now you  have the power, position, money was there, marry another wife is permissible by Islam’’ my mind start confusing.

In the minds play on the spouse who is ill and needs my help for everything  in her daily needs.  But when thinking of her attitude which 360% change as before she attacked by stroke. I am eagle to get second wife whose can provide my personal needs and able to release my emotional and tension. She can fulfill my sex tension and able to release accordingly as required.

She  tried to give her  love to  me due to my current situation which seen to much putting effort to take care of my stroke wife at all times, but at the same time left behind my personal needs on soul and body physical requirement of rest as normally done by every person.

I almost caught up with this scene, with the intention to marry another women,  that is permissible and lawful by Islamic taught and rules.

At the night of the day, I cannot go to sleep, my mind still confusing with the offer and the other side of my responsible to my stroke wife and my youngest daughter whose knew nothing and still need her mum and dad caring and loving.

When I still searching for the wright answer to the facing problem, unfortunately the Lord Allah almighty give me an idea of this.

“ If I make a tragic decision to marry another women as my second wife, after our marriage the new wife involve in the accident and she been paralyzed for the whole body, It is my responsible  to take care of this new wife sickness and handicap. Is possible for me to take care both of them, If I am not able to do that, I will be asking by Allah almighty and will be punish with the reward to go the hell, which are very sad and painful place to stay in the hereafter.

“ No, no, I am not willing to go to the hell” I try to alert  myself.

Due to this analysis and possible incoming future problem, I swear my self not to proceed my intention to marry for second wife, than I firmly closed my mind to think of that event.

These events also made me start to realize why some men marry more than one, because in the past I was among people who most disagree with polygamous man whose marry more one wife. This case also makes me seek for  Lord  Allah almighty to please me whose are lack of knowledge regarding polygamous.   long since I had been to the anti-polygamy. Now I realize it's the wrong attitude and against the teachings of Islam, because Islam allows men to marry up to four women at one times,  if he  is able to provide for outward and inward. It takes more than one wife is the Sunnah of Rasulullah SAW However keep in mind the teachings of Islam permission to marry up to 4 wives were given with conditions, the husband must be fair and affordable. If you are not able to follow all the conditions laid down, it is better to marry one only. This requirement is often overlooked or pretend to forget by many men who practices polygamy.

After an ill spouse has passed more than 10 years, feeling to get married again has not occurred to my mind. Even some close friends a few times to suggest that I take a second wife in order to reduce the burden of taking care of the daily needs of my family..

"Mr. Nik, my panting to see the situation you are always busy to take care of sick wife at home, in the office  you are committed  to do your task as head of the Human Resources department. It  is terrible and many problems need to be solved, which are not the staff that you regulate more 500 people ".  That is the proposal put to me by my clique Mr. Mohammad, The Admin and Business Manager at one time.

"Seriously aye seeing is more  heavy again shoulder to support the load, but what can we do, it's all God's providence."  I just to convince him.

"That you are right Mat, but as husband I suppose to handle it" I kept quiet and just listen to what been told by my friend,

"If you agreed,  I have the perfect candidate. The Girl is  religious education, family influence and her  age  early 30s.   She is pretty and tolerable look, if you  see her you will  pleases  her". Mat tried to convince me. I was silent for a moment to consider what the most appropriate response to reject an invitation from a friend of mine.

" Mat I am immune  already. For  more than 10 years doing all that and myself used to it. It is not easy for me to forger what my wife give to me for nearly 25 years of our marriage,  She did everything for me, cooking, washing and so on.. But the most difficult and tragic task she been deliver for 7^th of my child. That is the most valuable  services that been delivered by her.   So is unfair to me whose in 25 years ago took her from their parent with the most beautiful ladies and everything is perfect. But now she was disabled as paralyzed wife. It look to much unfair for me to let her with less caring when I am marry for another women as my second wife.  where possible if I marry another  women it will course she will be disappointed and frustrated, Where is the evidence of our  first love whose claim to be a most perfect and loyalty.

"If yourself put into my shoe, what is your action?" I asked Mat again.

“ Is I am in your position, It will marry for another wife a few years ago” he try to influence me.

" For me not that easy Mat, We are not sure about our future  after tomorrow,  when I was destined to marry another women, with unsuspected she was involved in an accident after a few months of our marriage, the second wife also paralyzed after that, what I will be able to keep both ?,  it is a burden for me as a husband. "

I gave a good reason to counter  his proposal. Mat  paused a second  and looked at me with a thousand meanings and node his head "Ok, Nik, if that is your argument, I am accept it and batter for you not to marry for second wife”

Since that discussion it is  no longer sounded a colt of my friends regarding my second marriage.

The awareness that we are the partner's wife who was ordained of God to me. I came to the conclusion that the defect is given to the wife  is a test from Allah to see how both of us firmly loyal to our love for honesty together until the end of life, common phrases out of the lips of a male and female were in the fantasy and dream of romance. Therefore I always remain calm to prove to the world  that my love is  true  loyal which was promise before. Love at first sight and eternal up to heaven. God willing.

-

Yet not easy to prove that our love is true love because of his sincere. When we at the beginning of the marriage has been able to enjoy all the happiness and joy of marriage. When in the grip will feel frustration and distress at this situation will affect the devils us to find fault with others which caused our  happiness be  a feeling in their hearts that God may exist among the doom wearing a spouse who brings bad luck; If entertained such thoughts will drift into our souls depressed or stressed. Over time there will be a response that our  wife of hardship it brings to the husband. Then the devil to wreak havoc with castles built during this will do little by little. Worse yet, if these negative thoughts that incited by the devil during my wife's make it. Easy to understand people in pain sensitivity and sulk. occasionally issue a small to end with  a big issue and can become strained relationship between husband and wife and heat; If a husband who is empowered as head of the family does not know how to cope with such a wise situation  even easier it becomes severe and scrambled mess. When breakups happen then clapping the devil as they has been successful for revenge ever to bring the children and grandchildren of Adam along their families to hell in the hereafter. God keep me and my family from such disasters.

Tips:

1. A      husband must play an important role in creating an atmosphere of harmony  relationship between husband and wife. When there is harmony in everything is going to make their life has value added and mindset similar and compatible. Bonding relationship between physical and mental between intimate wife and husband will be the main factors of a household to remain intact forever. God willing.

2.      Measures to prevent any persecution that involves interaction with another woman by a husband is a pro-active measures to ensure domestic harmony. Because his wife is very sensitive to touch her ​​husband with another woman association for fear of ending marriage heartbeat that causes them separation.

3.      In order to guarantee the harmony of the family, husband and wife should play their respective roles to avoid defamation of their household. If the husband always keep the honesty when outside the home, will be spared from  gossip and slander. This will ensure domestic harmony and family happiness every time.

4.      As Muslims we should always think well of others, to think well be able to tighten the friendly ties of kinship. Thus the attitude of the majority Malay women against their husbands to marry more than one person is an attitude that needs to change. Because Islam allows its followers to marry up to four people with certain conditions imposed. However raged negative attitude towards women wither husband polygamy  is because majority of married husband of more than one wife in Malaysia showed inequity in their distribution of physical and spiritual living among his wives. It is much more than just showing properties. The situation is much different if we make a comparison with the Arab community. Almost all Arab women do their husbands' permission to marry more than one wife. In fact, they are proud that says she has a husband who is strong and powerful. This is because a large number of husbands in the Arab Countries to be fair in terms of maintenance and refreshing among their wives. These things I have ever personally witnessed during a visit to a residential area  who live outside the city of Mecca. There are three  homes with the same design, when I asked whose house it was, given that it is the home of an Arab merchant who married three wives.

5.      Men who wish to practice polygamy must comply with all the conditions lay by Islamic law. If you are unable to comply with it batter to marry one person only. Because God has warned to the husband who takes more than one wife to be fair. If not they will walk shoulder slanting side in the hereafter and will be subject to the punishment of hell in the hereafter.