ALL GOD provisions laid down a silver lining

ALL GOD provisions laid down a silver lining

Every man and woman created by God absolutely needs a partner who complete each other and complement each other as God created Eve to be a friend and partner to the   Prophet   Adam.

Almost all men, has made ​​himself a place to stay for people who are admired.   Not only to have attractive appearance but also   has a full package of perfection so that it becomes an example to all - loved by wife, respected and mentor to children, admired by family and society and thus   wants to succeed in this life and the afterlife in order to please God. Had such a man possessed by a boy, sure many   women who adored him. Therefore all men should strive to be the perfect guy and try to fulfill the desires of   the woman. If you   crave to have a partner that meets all, no one should try to be a man as perfect as possible. The goal of building a family with plenty of happiness   and blessing   is not to be a dream that could not be achieved if we   all   have a strong commitment to achieve it. As the Malay saying goes, "Where there's a will, there's a way".

I've read posts tips on how to be "exemplary husband" dreams of all women or wives. Once in essence refine tips outlined that   it is a reality in my own life that have been tested by God after my wife who loved and as an assistant principal in the surf boat of our household had suffered a brain hemorrhage happen  on 2 March 2001 in swindling surgery to save her life.   The effect of   head surgery (AVM) her beautiful and deeply loved by me has got permanent disability as people with disabilities (PWDs).   Next to the body's right side was paralyzed.   Since that moment began the sad and grim episode in our family ,

Could it be that this is a disaster of God against me   in retaliation for the sins I ever do this down before God or a test to see how this dwarf servants who can handle it and try to keep the surf boat even with a thousand difficulties and hardships.

Thank God the guidance of Allah has given strength to me as   the dwarf slaves rowing boat  of my families to achieve Allah pleasant , direction even if it had to contend with deprivation as the wife of a top aide had earlier withdrawn by him favors health, Starting from the date of surgery until the day of judgment beloved wife has become a Disabilities person (PWDs) who need  help nearly almost 100 per cent to take care of her daily life need because the right side of the body (arms and legs) cannot function (paralysis).

Thank God   I'm very grateful that God has given me the courage to face all this. Uncountable has now passed more than 15 years.   If computed with our wedding last   for 35 years, the reality is that almost half of our marriage was passed with excruciating pain of my wife.   Anyhow so thank God and myself as husband as head of the family can still achieve happiness in married life since the first day of our marriage to date. Thank God whose gave us with 7 children with 4 boys and 3 girls. And has now also awarded six grandchildren.

Since the date of sacred respect   I had gone   through the vagaries of life filled with trials and tribulations, as the wife who was the "General Manager" in the house is no longer able to work, but she need someone to take care of her daily living needs such as bathing, eating, defecate and small, pushed by well chairs, and also to enhance the warring of payer dress. 

For the first month after my wife bring back home for further treatment. I've hired an Indonesian maids residents through Employment Agency to do housekeeping job and take care of my wife. The overall cost to the destination was spent almost RM 4,000.00, the first month I feel very relieved because the work of an existing home helpers who may be expected. But when entering second and third months beginning there are elements that are not pleasant, When I went home, my wives initially pensive and in tears, when I ask why, with  cries she said headaches and heartaches because  maid  is no longer sufficient  in running work at  home. This situation  made  me worried it will be effect my wife wellness. It forced  me to take drastic  action  to terminate  Indonesia maid contract, just to please my wife because I was advice by my wife doctor take care of my wife heart and emotions , because if she in the prolong sad and stress, it  will cause the bleeding in the brain, Possible the second attack will be serious illness and may be fatal.

For that I resolutely made ​​the decision to lay helpers, and put intention  for doing all house jobs by myself. My hope the decision taken will be  give the stimulation of my wife mind,  so that she  was always happy and cheerful,  hopefully my wives healing will be faster and she able to regain her health as normal person and back to serve as wife and mother.

Beginning  that  date, I do by my own all housework such as cooking, cleaning clothes and other work   -related, while keeping the needs of my wife daily living need. Such as  bathing, eating and drinking, taking wudud and wearing the veil to pray. Fortunately I've got a little experience in relation to household chores for the first time I've ever been helping my mothers and sisters to do the housework, to fill my spare time who was then sitting at home only because of a sore knee, and was given sick leave for one year by the  school after the Junior Certificate of Education (LCE) in 1969.

Now time period has reached nearly 15 years and I can do as a routine daily life. Thanksgiving is no value to extend my God, Most Gracious and buffer, for their strength of mind, his stunted physical to do all this for housework and also working in the office for financial income can be refined as it is. More importantly God gave and joy in my heart in the face of various challenges of life. And guides the work concerned I can do it easily without feeling sincerity and weary. Thank God.

As a sign of gratitude to God   for guidance to give, strength, perseverance and fortitude to His servants who have so little in the face of challenges and suspicions.   When remembered back a relatively long period of time, this tiny heart infusion to book a routine life that I have experienced  in  taking care of paralyzed wife nearly 15 years and continues to this day. Hopefully these notes can be recorded reading materials to prospective husbands or husbands who had undergone such problem in their home, at least to give some info to be made ​​an example and borders. For me the consent of God that inspired me to write this  book  is a meager contribution as a sign of mercy and thankful to give happiness to our family that I entrusted a leading role.

These records may be  as a guide in advance or taken exemplary    by   the spouse whose partner has suffered permanent disability, as in the early days of these allegations was the most virulent, if we are not patient and perseverance are likely to households will be built collapsed and crashed in mid-street (I was also haunted by feelings to marry another advance in the early stages). 

In the United States, approximately 780,000 Americans suffer a new or recurrent stroke each year. The median survival time after a first stroke for individuals age 60-69 years is 6.8 years for men and 7.4 years for women; for those older than age 80 years, the median survival time is 1.8 years for men and 3.1 years for women. Fifty percent to 70% of stroke survivors regain functional independence; 15-30% are permanently disabled.

Due to the statistic given, I keen to write my experience as care giver to  my stroke wife for more 15 years, through my experienced and with the ability to adopted the patient as the responsibility of husband to take care and give her full support either emotionally and her daily living need. On other word caring by holistic approach able to speed up the healing process and changes to recover back to normal position is more and I manage to give her the hope for future life and she has recover up to 90 % back to normal condition. 

A couple of good friends told me, if such a situation suffered by him, he does not believe it can survive for a very long time, he  will marry another women to take care of his daily needs. In fact, they never told that what I experienced was not a disaster but it is a gift of God to me, If  their predictions are correct, I am very grateful that God has chosen me as a slave to the test. I also sought to always correct the  intentions of my heart that this dwarf to avoid any sense of pride or ripples on what recorded in the booklet. Ye  Allah forgive me  thy servant so this dwarf. Yes Amen Lord of Universe.

The second test may God give it to me again because my first test on the 60s this week, with permission I can go through until I was in a situation as a retired civil servant, who has reached the age of 62 years.  Sometimes when I'm off the fate of my life since childhood so that it becomes a senior citizen is given the title “Tokayah” by grandchildren, every time I tested. During my time in the youth category has suffered  knee joint disease. Although I call my father WAN had plotted to treat it either in private clinics, hospitals and through traditional medicine, the disease never goes away. In fact, the disease has reached climax in 1969, knee swollen has issued a yellowish water that smelled very fishy. I was pleased with what the experienced and continued schooling for LCE examination in October 1996. I underwent tests at the hospital as necessary in the patient in the ward. Early results LCE, I managed to obtain the  A grade. That I had to go through life as a youth with the knee pain and walking with a cane. I was given sick leave by the school, but the pain never goes away, so I was stranded alone in my  studies compared with other classmates.

In 1972, they all continued their studies in the sixth form as a preparation to the University. While I was waving at home by looking at LCE certificates which   are not able to get jobs for this lowest certificate.

Sometimes I cry alone in my reckoning future uncertain. To ensure that I can be independent in the future when both parents are gone later, I decided to learn to repair radio and TV and hope would be to mechanical Radio / TV, but so I could not continue learning my knee not heal yet. Until in 1972   I decided to take the SPM for private candidates. Long story short, I thank God for His blessings secured squared SPM. And in 1975   managed to get   four principal STP and further studies at USM in 1975 and obtained  Bachelor of Science degree in 1980, followed by second degree of Mater of Science (Project Manager) in 1992.  I  received an offer to continue study to the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in 2001. Anyhow I had asked to withdraw  due my wife was attack by stroke in 2001 , that cause me  lack of time to care for my stroke wife.

Given the vagaries of human life is full of challenges dwarfs since adolescence, youth, adult and work covered by the stories of sorrow and challenging, I was aware that God is always testing me but so Allah has full knowledge test given that it is appropriate to the abilities and capabilities  of  me to confront these tests. I remain grateful to God Almighty and All-Knowing, as with confers patience and resilience of my mind for the challenges of life since adolescence, adulthood and old dusk ( at the silver hair) always tested with the pain and suffering in life, it is a priceless gift because pain , sorrow and doom who often traveled all the way of  my life has been deeply impacted the attitudes and behavior toward me every time, with difficulties to overcome all the hardships and pain that can be said, every time I face it makes me always closer to God, because every time I pray to him to give me strength and guidance so that all the hardship, pain and traveled  can be faced successfully. Situations like this make my life does not deviate much from the way of life outlined by Islam. Thank God.

               

I still remember how the second test by Mighty Allah to me and my wife happen to quickly without any alert. It was happen very fast. After completion Isha  prayers, Myself and my second son   sending the wife to the hospital. We arrived at the emergency department about 9.45pm. After registration  and waiting around for almost 2 hours because at that time there was a serious accident, then the doctor called my wife into the room  for   inspection. I accompany my wife to the examination room, the doctor has to undergo rigorous inspection and advise my wife to warded  to undergo further examination by a specialist doctor  to determine the cause of the disease. The wife admitted about 1am. After the completion of the entry of the wife to the hospital. I informed my wife had to return home to rest and our second son who will take care of her mother in the hospital.

The next day I got up early as usual before dawn, to prepare for the dawn prayer. Suddenly the ringing phone rang and I immediately picked up the phone and heard the voice of algae son in a state of anxiety "Dad be coming soon to a hospital, unconscious mother near dawn," I answered spontaneously "ok Bang, wait there, Dad  will be there after dawn prayer.

Arriving at the hospital I found my son lonely in the ward,   waiting at the bedside of his mother. I was told by him that his mother had brought to the X ray to undergo X-ray of the head and also perform an angiogram. At about 7 am my  wife had undergone the procedure of examination and she   was still in a coma.

My wife has moved out of the normal ward to ward Intensive Care Unit. After the film, x ray   and also angiogram report obtained, the doctor told me that my wife suffered a minor stroke, and now there is blood in the brain that cause and have it point to a ventilator to breathe for oxygen being pumped to taste. Also note that my wife needed head surgery immediately before the blood in her brain go down to the ear. If this happens my wife could not be saved possibly she will die.

The doctor also notified me the operation can not be started immediately  due to  specialist neurosurgeon was not on duty, he went abroad for  medical seminar.” We only pray that the treatment given at that time to stabilize the situation”. Also the doctor told that I could inform the next of kin to come for visit my wife in the hospital due to her condition was  critical, probably she will go  forever in the near future.

When I was told  my situation is totally critical, I take discussing  with my father. If the wife died where his remains will be buried later. Father advised to me to be calm and patient, and multiplied prayer and ask God's help. Pray for  hope  my  wife can be saved. After the noon  prayers  I chat and hope God may be given a solution to rescue my wife.

With the unexpectedly I was informed by my sister, that there will be VIP guests came to visit my wife at about 2 pm. When a  VIP guest comes to the ward, She urged physicians to provide the best treatment to  my wife, so VIP guests had phoned his sister a VVIP, and informed her sister would visit at 3pm.

Exactly at 3 pm VVIP accompanied by  ADC and some of the State Senior Officer had come to visit my wife in hospital, during the visit She had instructed the doctor to send  my wife to the Private Hospital, in Kuala   Lumpur for immediate surgery. Subsequently I was asked by the management of the hospital to buy   a total of 14 seats of Plane tickets, for allowing my wife to  send  to the Kuala Lumpur with Malaysia Airlines on  night flight..

I and my  colleague (a Major Retired Air Force D Raja Malaysia) went to the Air Port.   Upon arrival I was informed that the tickets was sold out completely. No more unsold tickets for travel the next 2 days.

I was shock  and choked whenever I hear it, full of feeling frustrated and just pray to God to give me a way to resolve the complex issue. While  driving with friends to the hospital, my friend suggested   he would try to call  Sugai Besi RMAF for Mercy Flight..   When he  phoned  to the RMAF, we were informed that the ADC to the VVIP has made ​​application for RMAF make Mercy Flight to transmit a patient from Kota  Bharu to Kuala Lumpur. When we heared the good news, I was so grateful to God who has given me a way to overcome the problem that is so acute, and bogged down by a lack of time and necessary.

The RMAF asked me getting ready at 7.30 pm for departure to KL. Therefore, the hospital also meninta so I bought a plane ticket to return from KL to Kota Bharu to two hospital staff (1 doctor and 1 nurse). I bought a ticket as required. At 8.50pm I, wife, doctor and nurse to escort the ambulance ride to the airport   to board a military plane that was waiting there.

At approximately 9.25 pm CN235 aircraft   departed RMAF Kuala Lumpur, while in the course of about 30 minutes in the air, the doctor checks the condition of my wife in a coma and respiratory system assisted with manually pumped by a nurse   using the hands to help my wife's breathing , I was sitting beside my  wife, we  were both watching the situation . Suddenly  the laptop used by doctors run out of battery  and the monitor black out. The situation become panic, causing doctors can not control blood pressure, breathing and pulse due to monitor display not functional,. Doctors began to look nervous and anxious, I was sitting next to the bed of my wife, I was not able to do anything, just my lip service never fail to read verses from the Koran and pray. When doctors   tried to check my wife pulse on your wrist,  but doctors were unable to detect it. Doctors began turning around  his head in the note by the nurse with an empty and hopeless, without any speech. I began to fidget and thought-mind   that my wife will be gone forever. Tears streamed down my cheeks without realizing it. What can I do, I just pray   to God and read some verses of   the Quran which I memorize..

In the period when I was in a state of some anxiety, suddenly awakened by the sound of the doctor "Thank God" as he lifted his hand to signal OK, and look at his face began to calm and cheerful   with a smile of gratitude followed by a nurse escort.   At 10.30pm we were told by Air Force Sergeant   our flight would arrive at the Subang Airport shortly.

Arriving at the airport,  apparently an ambulance was waiting to take us to the Private Hospital in Kuala Lumpur. The journey from the airport to the hospital Kuala Lumpur   takes about 1 hour. On the way to the hospital,   we had to drive slowly because of heavy vehicles. I can only pray to God that our travel facilitation and beloved wife   can be saved.

When arriving at the hospital, doctors neurosurgeon  to wait and as soon as my wife got put into hospital, doctors continue to scrutiny. Then the doctor   called Dr Arumugam (neurosurgeon) have told me that the situation is unstable wife. He is currently undergoing surgery for completion at 2am. The doctor said that if I agreed my wife's head surgery will be done tomorrow morning at 8am. I thus agree with the recommendations of doctors in view of his wife in a stable condition. The doctor also told me that my wife after-effects of surgery may have the right of innocent involving the feet and hands. And then  doctor also tell my wife could not speak because his tongue will   become short and stiff.

Next I was asked to pay a deposit of RM5,000.00. I was surprised  on hearing of deposit must be paid, even thought in my heart that if ordinary people who cannot afford how to get treatment during such emergency. Luckily I have a credit card. Deposits paid by credit card.

So I started to make the calculation that if she was not operated on, her chances of survival are slim. She had to rely   on a breathing machine. So I was determined to allow my wife to surgery by the surgeon to remove the blood in her brain. I expect if the surgery done, She  have  50% chance either alive or dead. So I made ​​a reasonable decision  that must be made. If she undergo for surgery  50% chance of survival will be gain, but if we  mixed with the chance of survival by 50% after surgery, mean we have the opportunity and tried 50% + 25-30% chance of successful surgery. After taking the estimated chance of surgical risk and postoperative prognosis is better, if we take the turn without any action just surrender to the Divine alone. After considering several possibilities I see a doctor and inform him  that I have agreed to sign a letter of authorization to operate. Upon surrender of the form I told the doctor, "I gave mandate to you to do anything just to save her life, I will pray to the God".

 After a discussion with my doctor continued to make some phone calls to people contacts, such as SS Dato 'Mufti, SS Dato' Deputy Mufti, SS Dato  Prime Khadi  and some of the religious teacher, I  told them that my wife facing acute brain bleeding with coma situation and need urgently to do operation. I back them to pray for the safety of my wife and able to go for operation with save and successfully. 

I personally pray to God hopping for His blessing to save my wife and she will be heal as soon as possible.  That night I could not sleep well, my mind still remembered the wife in coma situation, and try to imagine what would happen to my family if my  beloved wife can not be saved. Try imagining what will happen   to my seven children  whose are still growing up in school, They are  necessary to get  a mother's love and cares, especially  for my youngest daughter, I cannot imagine how the future of the youngest child of four years old. Whether it can grow up like other children if their mothers had gone forever, and what happens if I also need a pouring of love and care needs of everyday life, to replace a missing wife, may be forced to marry another, and what will be so to structure our family before   this  which is happy.

The next day almost 7.50am, I and my family had been in the hospital awaiting  at surgery ward. Exactly at 8.00 am a nurse and aide to bring my wife to the operating room. I'm anxiously waiting outside the operating room. Surgery is expected to take between 3 to 4 hours.   While waiting for the completion of the surgery, I was just praying and recite a few verses from the Koran, pray to Allah for successful surgery. 

At 11.50am   wife was taken out from the operating room and brought into the ICU ward. The doctor on duty informed me  that my wife will recover back in about 3 to 4 hours after that. I was allowed to stay in lobby and only  can  see my wife bad through the glass screen.  A few hours after the surgery my wife still unconscious.

At 3.00 pm I was called  by the nurse in charge, who allowed me  to sit on the side of the bed where my wife was given treatment. After being on the side of my wife about  30 minutes later. My  wife began to move her hand slowly  even her eyes still closed. At 4.15pm my  wife began to open his eyes but still looks weak between conscious and unconscious. My heart steadfastly waiting on the side of her bed while my mouth reading sentences of Quran and pray to Allah.

At about 4.25pm ​​my wife opened her eyes and issuing the word "hungry". Alhamdulillah I thank God who has given my wife, how happy a man who was told by doctors that his wife might not be able to speak after surgery. However the power of the Most High, and He overcame the power of all other creatures in this universe.

The next day my wife was able to reflect the rapid recovery and I have never been complacent guard every time, except for one or two hours a day will return to nephew house to bathe and change clothes. This routine continues until the day 29. My wife was allowed to return for further treatment in hospital, Kota Bharu.

On the last day at Hospital Ampang, The doctor whose treated my wife  said to me that my wife is lucky, because the nerves of the brain that been clipped to stop blood bleeding , is the location of  "memory". If any thing goes wrong during  surgical procedure it will cause  my  wife's lost his memory. How grateful I am to Allah the Merciful for saving my wife and still provide guidance to enable the wife to speak normally. 

One more thing the doctor said that the rapid heal recovery of my,  one of the factor that help her to regain faster healing process due to my role  as husband whose  go along and encouraging her to recover quickly.  The doctor said that I was "exemplary husband" who is  so keeping loyal to take care my wife until her  quickly   recovered. "Not happy kid looking for a faithful husband like you" dedicated  the doctor to me, I just smiled with that praise, because the only to praise should be to Allah. All it is God's gift.

When I was getting ready to bring home my wife to Kota Bharu. I was told by the hospital management that the total cost of the treatment my wife was RM25,000.00. But once the employer has provided a letter of guarantee to pay all costs incurred by the Company insurance  scheme. If it  exceed the allowed amount, the rest I had to pay for my selves.

On day of 29, my wife was discharge from  Kuala Lumpur Private Hospital. She will get her further treatment at Hospital in Kota Bharu, Kelantan.

The  anxious moments that I have experienced with my  loved  wife, the atmosphere of our household who previously filled with love and affection, have begun the grim because my wife is sick  an now she become disable person after the stroke attack  She now need  others   to help her for everything of her daily living need.

Starting on that date, I must take care of my sick spouse  with fully responsibility and need care around the clock, and also take care of the household for growing children who are still under study and schooling.  Various disordered thoughts in my mind at that time and just trust in God that all my affairs and family in facilitation by Him. Amin.

Wallahu'alm.