Couching and educating family for wisdom.

16. Couching and educating family for wisdom.

Admonish and educate is the responsibility of husband. If the husband does not give a reprimand to his wife and family,  who commits an act contrary to the laws of Islam, the husband will get sin and shall be punish in front of God  in  hereafter. The hell is waiting for the irresponsible husband who did not give commitment to couching and educate his spouse and children with the knowledge of principle of 5 pillar Islamic faith. If the husband is a person with a minimum knowledge  he have to hire the ‘guru to teach his family.

In doing the compulsory responsible to teach, educating and coaching the family so that they will obey all the compulsory of low and order than been lay down by Islam. He must have the skill and know how to give good guidance, so the family member will be accepted with open minded and  well understanding to practice in their daily life.

To fulfill this responsibility what I am practiced was by make my actions and practices as role models of excellence.   Communicate with the spouse and family member with  effective communication technique.  Avoid walking the talk. My self must become excellent role model then any constructive criticism to correct any errors wife or children would be effective.

Prophet has enjoined To do good to the house of a woman , were gentle and tolerant of all its shortcomings, because they are created from the rib of man's bent. Prophet Muhammad said:

Meaning: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not harm his neighbors. Berwasiatlah to women with kindness. Because they are created from a rib and the most crooked rib on top. If you straighten it you will break it. And if you let it, it will remain crooked. Therefore, bequeath it to her with kindness. "[Hadith: Narrated by al-Bukhari (no. 5185-5186) and Muslim (no. 1468 (62)), from Abu Hurairah radhiyallaahu 'anhu.]

For me to admonish  my  wife have to be done with full of care and  cautious,  because I already know the temperament of my wife who is sensitive and easily offended. If I speak with the high voice she will be fully tears in her eyes and her nose turn to reddish color.

"Honey, let's look at this" while holding the magazine and shows a woman wearing a hijab. .

"She is getting pretty with the hijab, see look more beautiful and sophisticated '' I stare at my wife with love and thousand meaning.

" If darling wearing hijab you will be look so  pretty wide angel" I commend a word to wife.

"You also so handsome that is compatible" spontaneously my wife give replied.

“ I am serious honey. Not kidding, your natural beauty will be more appearance with hijab “ my eyes look deep to her eyes, and she try to focus down and look more lovely and kiddy.

That dialogue between me and my wife long time ago when I first put my proposal to wife so that she will wearing hijab. That been order by Allah my wife must wear. Anyhow  at that time very rare ladies wearing hijab, even my mother  whose returned from the pilgrimage only wearing a thin and see trough scarf, unlike the lid should be as in a ritual of Islam. Understandably was at that time still in charge of public ignorance over the consciousness of faith and devotion.

I've read the story of how his wife reprimanded Rusulullah SAW. When the Messenger experience a little drink his wife A'isha serve,

The Prophet smiled.
'A'isha who watched her husband's drinking amazement.

.
"O Messenger of Allah why are you smiling?" A’isha asked Rasulullah SAW.

"   I still remember the story of our time when we just married” Which is usually the time of the Prophet always share meals in a container with his wife.

"As a loving wife to her husband, she is a beautiful memory, and it would be wonderful if she could repeat again, "said the Prophet    Muhammad SAW.
Saidatina A’isha reached the last Messenger of glass and drinking it's, then she  a little jerks because apparently sweet drinks that she serves to  her husband was mistakenly put salt. It is salty taste. Rasulullah SAW was still smilling.
That story show  how the wisdom of the Prophet Muhammad SAW admonished his wife A’isha R.A. when  she make mistakes. Such examples should be followed by all  husband  when you want to admonish your  wife when they make mistakes.

The practice criticized wife with wisdom and compassion is that it has  been done by me since the beginning of our marriage  again. I certainly   know that she has crankiness and  sensitive when was criticism or reprimand from me. 

As an example of how I  had persuaded my wife to wearing hijab. Before that she does not wear hijab on when we get married.  Obviously, I intend  to let my wife wear the hijab as prescribed by Islam. Directing  wife to wear a hijab by a husband is a religious obligation that must be dealt with, if do not want the title as a husband a coward who will have a painful punishment. Therefore, as a husband who committed with commandments, my   solemn responsibility   to maintain domestic harmony which has been built, I was very careful in looking for a room to inform my wife that she should ware hijab when go out from home. The directive is not so ezzy to practice because  at that time the 80s are still few women in hijab, even my own family there are many who are not wearing hijab (at the time people were still ignorant and insensitive if not warring hijab as  prescribed by Islamic dress etique.

In doing so, I had to find a time that works best for giving advice to my wife.  Destined God in 1983 about in mid-June. I have been ordained by God  suffered  swelling of the right knee joint. I experienced the disease as the result of a long illness I have ever experienced in 1969. I have been admitted to hospital for treatment that lasted for a month. After discharge, followed by further treatment at home for 5 months. Doctors had given sick leave for 6 months. The right leg had to be wrapped with cement "Plaster of Paris" (POP) for one year. After the expiry of 6 months medical leave, I had to go to work with stick.

By setting such an obvious excuse,   I took the opportunity to advise my wife to wear hijab.

When first opened my mouth to ask my wife to wear a hijab.

“ Darling, I have an important issue to tell you” I tell my wife while she with me at one night.

"How important the issue, Is it related to our family? " She try to get the appropriate answer,

“ No, That all fine, the issue is about you and me” I give short answer.

“ Actually when I was warded for a month in the hospital, I make a promise to myself. If Allah forgive me and I am able to discharge earlier from the hospital, I will ensure my wife to ware hijab as what was prescribe in Islamic teach”.

“ Ooo, that your promise to Allah”. Wife libs drop a word.

“ Please that my intention to Allah, so your are willing to ware hijab  darling “.

“ By doing that both of us  can hinder from punish by  sin. For the past is over, what we can do just pray and back promise pleasant from Allah. His Mercy will forgive our carelessness in the past, amen”. I pray to Allah with fully regret, my wife who beside me said  amen to get Allah forgiveness.

“ OK darling, I will try to ware hijab”. Heard the soft voice from my beloved wife, her ayes fully drop with tears.

“ Alhamdulillah, thank Allah, who please our doa”

“ wait for two or three days times I will ware hijab”.

."If possible, as quickly as possible, because that my  intend to Allah. It was a sign of our gratitude to His guidance that enables my leg healing faster and  I was discharge earlier from hospital ward. " I tried to convince his wife.

Emotionally I bring awareness to my wife  “ that pain and inconvenience  faces  by   both of us (spouse) may be  Allah put the alert to us. ” I told my beloved wife.

"Unfortunately, it may be a natural pain reduction was due to God's wrath due to my carelessness by not admonish you  to wear hijab to cover  fully you head" I speak out when we were both getting ready for bed one night.

"Maybe so, but there are still many others women  with  naked head but they do not be a disaster," my wife interjected.

"We were   given disaster may be  Allah love us, He wants to tell us to realize and repent for all the sins of the past ". I urge my wife.

The wife was silent as he bowed his face to the ground with fully annoyed.

" I think we need ombudsmen ourselves, check where is wrong"  I try to take the point,

"Maybe you're right to say that darling" be ware of from my wife.

"Then I'll begin  today to ware hijab Bang”. My promise to me.

"Alhamdulillah. Thank Allah" I shown my happiness to wife.

"God bless you", I am grateful, as with advice on wife  had started wearing hijab every time she go out, and it has become her  practice to this day.

A wife is a bad trait too sensitive, if mistakenly say it can only sulk immediately, tears will flow and reddish colored nose. When she sulked difficult to persuade the normal conversation, I had to find a way to do something to enable it to coax back.

One of the donnish action to get back my wife moody to normal situation, some times I have to be kidding and joking.  I used to sing a sang for every times my wife merajuk.

“ Kekasih ku Marah- Marah. Marah marah lagi”

The she will say “ Abang ni..” and her finger will cubit my tight.

The I will say “ Adoooooo, too pain  darling” and my arm embrace her firmly and softly sound out “ I love your darling”.
The she said “ I love you too”.

That the end of our cool war.

Thus forced me to practice because it can cool the atmosphere of  warm and perpetually tense emotions of my wife as a result of my speech out with a high tone. Since the start of my actions that offend and hurt the hearts of my wife, as a  husbands had to take quick action to ease relations with  wife. My experience in persuading my wife this way is very effective, because the habits of women when the men came to apologize she would quickly cool down, as showed that  her at the right side and the man who is guilty. She will feel proud and willing to take forgiveness.

Tips:

1.      Islam has always taught its followers to give advice to someone so it turned to a better direction and leave   all practices that conflict with Islamic law, the advice is to be done with wisdom and politely  Examples of how the Prophet Muhammad SAW admonished his wife when mistakes should be emulated by all husband.

2.      Strikes wisely will allow us to approach and appreciate the feelings of those who we want to educate. With it they can receive with an open heart all constructive criticism, God willing, finally they can accept criticism positively, when this happens it is easy for them  to follow the advice and counsel that we submit it. Rebuke the wise and wisdom is recommended by Islam.

3.      If a strike is a rough and reckless, can lead to   a reprimand was wounded hearts, will also arise action "react negatively" as they protest  us. If this happens there will be an atmosphere of tense relations between the two sides. Eventually it will happen restlessness in the family. Of course, everyone in the family was suffering from stress.   If such a situation persists it can lead to the eventual collapse of the palace household. Do we want a situation like this occur in our homes ?.